A Letter from Lokoja

I want to state clearly that I am not writing 
this as an excuse or in a manner to encourage 
people, especially married men to cheat on 
their wives!
I also writing this because it was where I was and
 I know some people have been here too or are in 
that situation at the moment
I hope this will help them!
You demystified many things and made the 
gospel meaningful to me again! 
My lack of proper understanding of the 
liberty of the gospel renered me impotent and made 
serving the Lord very frustrating for me
But not anymore!
Thank you sir!

B.O
Lokoja, Nigeria

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One of the most upsetting thing for a young man was the 
failure of his manhood!
I used to tell myself there is life beyond sex
I will compose myself and encourage myself
Life is not all about sex, thank God for good health and knowledge
Thank God for a good wife and four children
What do you really need sex for anyway?
But the more I told myself this thing, the more I sank into depression
I was no longer a man!
Why did the ability to get it up matter so much?
I remember falling on my knees and crying myself 
to sleep for many nights
I had everything else!
A beautiful wife with whom I was building a 
glorious life
I married her as a virgin and we were fine!
We had sex wherever we wanted and whenever
I got married at the age of 30, my wife was 27 
at the time
We were practically restraining each other 
with loads of encouraging words and scriptures 
not to have sex before we got married
She was just too cute and I was too dashing
We barely made it through the wedding ceremony
Once the crowd were left in the background
We got to work! Wow! It was the very best night
We worked out to see who would give up first
On that wedding night, we made love eight 
times in eleven hours
I had waited a lifetime to put my beak in the pitcher
The pitcher happened to be the right size
It was lock, stock and barrel
My wife was equally aggressive and willing
She wanted to get pregnant that very night
I didn't care either way!
I was having sex and I was licensed to do so
We both had a whole week of honeymoon
She worked as an On air-personality at a radio station
I worked with a stockbroking firm
We met at the radio station
She had a popular show on savings and investments
The show was sponsored by my company and I was deployed often to the show 
be interviewed and act as a resource person
We had good chemistry on air
It was a call-in programme in which the public gets to call us while we were on
air to ask questions about the stock market and other investment platforms
We were on the air together for six months before we realised we really liked each other
We got talking and before long we were hanging out together
I remember the first day I kissed her
My company was having an end of the year party and all our staff members and 
partners were invited
She came for the dinner party, looking like "My wife"
I told her so immediately she walked up to me
I said "You look like my wife"
She smiled and held out her arm to take mine without a word
Later during the party, we danced and somehow I forgot where we were
I forgot that my friends, acquaintances, crushes and colleagues were there
I forgot that we were supposed to be professionals
I lifted up her chin and kissed her
I had to take that out of the way because it had been on my mind since the moment
I saw her
She took the kiss in good faith
She kissed me back a little but then flashed me a warning with her eyes
It wasn't a "stop it" warning
It was a "not here" warning
Later in the evening, I walked her to her car and 
asked her if I could come into the car
She pressed the "unlock" button on the remote 
and sat at the back seat
I got the message
I jumped into the back seat next to her and
 we kissed
And then I pushed and started doing stuff with 
my fingers
Of course, I didn't want to sleep with her in 
the car at the parking lot of my office but I wanted 
to see how far I would be allowed to go
Well, I was allowed to go quite far
Farther than I had ever thought imaginable!
I went home that night skipping like a kid goat
The next Wednesday we had the show on radio, 
she avoided me throughout
I wondered what I did wrong, I had anticipated the 
meeting all week
Then she called me on Saturday and invited me 
to her house
When I got to her house on Saturday, around 4 pm
I met her parents and siblings and a pastor
She introduced me to them as the man she
 intended to marry
I was a bit thrown off balance but I got it
We were married a year later
I really do love my wife
We had our first child, a girl exactly one year 
and one month after we got married
We had three other children in our ten-year 
marriage
I never strayed or cheated
I simply wasn't wired that way
In those ten years I grew in the church 
hierarchy 
and I was eventually deployed as an
assistant parish pastor in 2016
It was around February 2016 that the 
problem 
started
I discovered that my manhood stopped working
I was not on any drugs, I don't drink, I don't smoke,
 I don't do any such thing
The thing just went on industrial action
 without any prior warning
I read books
I scoured google
I used all sorts of herbs! Tiger nuts, Aloe Vera, 
Panax ginseng called the herbal Viagra, 
Panax ginseng (red ginseng), Rhodiola Rosea 
and other remedies
Doctors told me to relax!
It is stress, it is this and it is that
They were just fishing in the dark as far as 
I was concerned
My blood pressure was good, my body was fine!
I prayed and fasted! 
I went for a few days of retreat to get my lost glory back!
Nothing worked!
My wife would do everything!
Handjob with olive oil, put the manhood 
between her breasts,
blowjob, see, I know this is a "decent" platform 
but I want to be real! We watched pornography 
and tried viagra!
The "Thing" just remained flaccid like a dead 
agama lizard
It was extremely frustrating for both myself 
and my wife
According to all the stuff I read, it was supposed 
to be phased out
A phase that would clear in a matter of weeks
Sir, this wasn't my own experience!
It didn't work at all for a year!
Just imagine how this was!
My wife bought some sex toys, I used them to 
help her out at least once in a month
She was not a troublesome woman by nature
but It affected her attitude in a way
She became very patronizing and nice
It felt to me almost as if she was pitying me 
and trying to be
careful lest she damaged me further 
with insensitivity
It only projected the fact that I was not "able to do" 
the more
At a point I travelled with the Family to France 
for our
annual vacation and I went to seek out an 
acupuncturist 
I paid heavily in Euros
It still didn't work!
By this time I had changed my diet completely
I went "green" with garlic, cabbage, lettuce, 
beans and Ofada rice taking over!
When we got back to home, i decided to relax and 
wait on God and nature to work things out in me
I had spent way too much money on something I 
used to take for granted every morning for years
I was grateful I already had children and a good wife
My concern shifted towards my wife
I had read that sex drive in women revs up as they 
grow older
My wife was just 37 at the time and I was 40
I wasn't worried she was going to cheat on me
I know she was going to become increasingly 
frustrated and
it will totally affect the joy of our marriage
I must admit that our marriage was not perfect
But it was better than most and the sex played a 
huge part in this
For the first nine years of our marriage, sex 
had played a very
vital role in helping us get over some crazy 
stormy moments
I know if it is taken away, the marriage may 
still stand but
over time we will grow distant and eventually 
become best 
friends or even housemates!
I kept praying for divine intervention!
And then it happened!
I was in my office working on some client's 
briefs when a lady 
walked in with the water dispenser suppliers
The suppliers come once every month
They would fix the supplies on the dispensing 
machines and take away the empty containers
This lady was about 25 years old, she was 
dressed in a 
red short gown
She looked quite attractive
As the technician fixed the dispenser, I suddenly 
noticed a knock
Something was knocking on my trouser's zipper
Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my God!
I almost died!
It is working!
Long story short, I called the lady and started 
talking to her
I told her exactly what happened after she got a 
little familiar with me
She was very flattered
She was an Industrial attache with the firm I work with
She was in her third year in a private University
I started sleeping with her a week later
There was a guest house "Unmarked" close to 
my office
Nobody knew it was a guest house
I didn't!
The lady knew and she took me there one afternoon 
during lunch
That was how it started
She was not from the marine spirit and she was not 
a witch or a serpent or Jezebel
She was an ordinary girl, a normal girl with a normal 
random life
She said "She wanted to sleep with a married man 
for some time'see how it feels'
It was part of her "to do" list before she got married
I just happened to be the guy who was making her 
dream come true!
The good news was "I was riding as if I never had 
any problem"
It wasn't weak, dysfunctional or quick
It was normal and perfect
When I got home that night, It was on fire
My wife purred like a Siamese cat when I was 
done with her
It went on for four months (The sex with the 
attache lady)
We had sex every other day
I even took her to a resort once for a weekend 
getaway
But once she was done with her attache business, 
she walked away and I was okay with it (By that time 
I had grown weary of her)
It had been two years since I "cheated" on my wife
I hadn't done it again
My knocker is still knocking as it should be
But I want to know if you think it is appropriate for me
 to tell my wife
what I did!
I don't have any problem with keeping it a secret 
but is God happy with that?
I have asked God for forgiveness and moved on but 
I will still like your opinion!
I will also like to know what happened to me and 
why I had to cheat to be restored!
I have spoken to a doctor and she said "It was 
familiarity" she said I was no longer being turned 
on by my wife because my body became familiar 
with her!"
She even suggested role playing to me as a kinky way 
to keep the sexual juice flowing (I have not tried that 
or even suggested it to my wife because things are 
very fine)
So was this experience unique to me or is it common?
Like I said earlier, i do not buy the idea of "variety" 
as I have heard many men say when they talk about 
their reason for being promiscuous! I think it is utter 
rubbish and anybody who believes that especially as 
a believer is not really living to the full stature that 
we have in Christ! This is my belief but sadly, It wasn't 
my reality! Why?
Finally, what would your advise be for anybody in
my shoes at this very moment! What should such a 
man do?