Are You Marriage Material?

Every other hour, a lady will write to me stating clearly that she was tired of being single and would really like to be married.

The number of ladies who had written to me on this topic will be in the thousands, without any form of exaggeration.

Desiring to be married and being prepared for marriage, however, are two very different things.

Many of those praying and crying to the Lord to bring them their own husbands are grossly unprepared to be wives.

One then has to wonder why they were praying to be married.

What did they really think marriage was? What do they see their role in a marriage as? Do they think marriage is all about the "wedding" day? dressing fancy, wearing make-up, and dancing to the applause of the gallery?

Do they think marriage means living off a man in return for sleeping with him? Do they think a happy marriage is a status one earns by doing nothing to win the love, trust, and confidence of the man they are married to?

Some ladies come into a marriage with a determination to continue the tale of woe their mother had fed them all their lives regarding marriage and men

Why get married if you are coming into it with a defensive mindset? You expect a battle from the first day of marriage because your mother told you that a husband's house is a battle dome.

You are looking for excuses to malign your man every day in the name of playing the victim in a marriage that was supposed to be for two happy and satisfied souls?

A wise woman builds her own home.

A woman who married a man for practical reasons is crying that the man is not saying "I love you".

Should the man be professing love when you have not earned it?

Some women are easier to love than others.

It is true that the Bible explicitly commanded husbands to love their wives, but the Bible did not command wives to demand the profession of love from their husbands.

Love is seen, and sometimes heard.

True love is more in the action, thoughtfulness, considerations, actions, behaviours, mannerism and treatment of the man towards the woman than in empty words.

It is true that to hear it makes one feel good for a minute, but I would rather be loved than be told I am loved when I do not see or feel it.

A man living in America would write letters to a lady in Nigeria professing his love.

He would send her emails and text messages, send flowers and love notes.

They got married, and the marriage did not last a month.

The idea of love and the reality of love are two different things.

If you want your husband to be singing of his love for you, you have to do more than demand it. You have to earn it. There are things a wife does for the husband that the husband, from within his soul, will be screaming, "I love you," even against his own will.

And I am not talking of things a housemaid or nanny could do.

Cooking, caring for the children, even lovemaking, are too commonplace for one to pitch a tent of declaration of love on.

Imagine meticulously planning and executing a statement of your love in a bold way by giving to your husband something you know he truly desires and doing so without any reservation or expectations.

Giving all of you as a statement of love.

That is what earning love declarations looks like. Not crying and playing victim and saying "He does not tell me he loves me", when you know that saying he loves you when he does not mean it, is basically filling your head with empty words.

I know people who will happily tell you they love you while sleeping with someone else. The word means nothing to them.

When words are devoid of their true meaning, those who hold the word dear become victims of those who just employ the word as a weapon of control and deceit.

On the issue of money. I taught several times that it is more important to be a woman of substance when getting married than to be an empty vessel looking up to the man to meet all your needs.

Men naturally respect women who lighten their loads, and they naturally shy away from women who make their loads heavier

If you get married to a man and you start complaining about spending your own money on some things to complement his provision, you should not be married at all.

He is the main provider, but you are his helpmeet.

If he provided the money for the meal, you should not complain because you provided the money for the water.

Don't be a leech!

On the issue of sex.

As a woman, don't complain when you get negative feedback from your husband.

No matter how scathing the feedback is, it is better for you to get it and adjust than not get it and find your marital bed suddenly stops shaking.

Many married women made grave errors, thinking their husbands would always open their skirts. Many of them discovered too late that a man does not have to open a skirt unless he wants to.

Once he loses interest, they are the ones who lose out!

On the issue of telling people you are a victim in your own marriage.

You will never get the right counsel.

The best you can get is some sympathy, somebody sending you money to give yourself a treat, or somebody telling you to leave that marriage because that man does not appreciate you.

Seeking sympathy by throwing your husband under the bus tells more about you and your mentality than your husband.

Marriage is a journey. For many, the more they walk in it and commit themselves to it, the better it gets.

For those who have a mentality of "He or she must do this or that for me", it usually leads to a disappointing end.

Nobody is meant to do anything for you because you are married to the person

Both the man and the woman who are married to each other with a sincere heart will act towards each other in good faith at all times, with both giving their best to the other.

If your man is not giving his best, you most probably are not giving your best either

It is always aura for aura!

People know when they are loved, and they know when someone just wants to take advantage of them.

A true lover loves without expecting anything in return; he or she loves just because loving is what makes their souls glad, and giving their best to others is what delights them.

A bad lover gives a little and wants the world in return. If he or she does not get it, the little he or she did will become an issue to be discussed and shared with all and sundry.

Don't get married if you are not prepared to give your all to your spouse without receiving anything in return.

That is the blind leap of faith that a marriage requires.

If you get loved back the same way, it is a good marriage

If you don't get loved back the same way, it is a bad marriage, and you can walk away, but don't let it be said of you that you got into a marriage with the aim of taking advantage of your partner in any way.

We marry to give our all to our spouses, or we stay single to give our all to ourselves.

-GSW-