Grief Companion

You said your guy needs to meet with me
I asked why
You said you want me to address the way he behaves
I asked you how he behaves
You said he rarely holds any meaningful conversation with you
He picks up the phone to call you or send you a message saying, “Come by 4 pm” or “Come by 5 pm.”
When you leave your house, you will send him a message that you have left
He will send you money for Uber and then instruct you on how to access the house (Usually from the back door, out of the view of his neighbours and friends)
You said it always felt like he was sneaking you into his house
You said once he sees you, he takes off your clothes and sleeps with you
You normally would expect him to sit with you and have some boyfriend/girlfriend bonding time, but this was never the case
Once he has satisfied himself sexually, he gives you some transport fare and asks you to book an UBER so you can return home
You said if you said you don’t want to leave yet or plan to spend the night or alter his instruction in any way
His mood would just change, and he would become unpleasant towards you.
You said you really love him and want to marry him, but I should help you talk to him to address this anomaly.

I looked at you as a sister, I can tell the truth, and told you the truth
You are not in a relationship
You have been converted into a call girl, even though that is not what you are
You took offence
You said you are not a booty call, and I should stop insinuating that you are because of the deep things you told me.
There is no easy way to break the bad news to you
So I kept quiet and nodded as you began to speak on what you want and how you trust that God will do it for you.

The following weekend, you brought the guy to me
The guy was a twelve, and you are a fine
In looks, grooming, spoken English, carriage, voice, and aura
The guy was way out of your league
I spoke with the guy for a while, then the guy went to use the restroom
I told you, you were way out of your league
The guy could never marry you, even if they placed a hefty dowry on you
You replied to me by insisting the guy is your spec
“I date Adonis, pls, I date only extraordinarily looking guys, and I know this one is my partner from heaven.”
I said okay
The guy returns
I asked you to excuse us, and you did
I asked the guy what his plan was towards you
The guy looked at me and laughed very hard
He said you were his grief companion
I asked him what he meant by that
He said, “The lady I wanted to marry left me just two weeks before our wedding due to family pressure from her parents for her to relocate from Nigeria.
She played the American Visa lottery shortly before we met, and it was discovered that she won seven months later.
She eventually left with the pregnancy of our first child, and I have been heartbroken
That was the pain I was nursing when I met your sister
She is helping me cope with what I am dealing with now
Outside of that, we don’t really belong together, and I see no future apart from the mutual benefit we are both getting out of the relationship.”
I thanked him for his candour
I also told him I have a request
He said, “Anything.”
I said, “Please, when you are done sleeping with her and you are ready to move on, please let her down gently.
Don’t break her to pieces.”
He smiled and said, “I’ll try.”
You came back to the table, and we all had a quiet dinner
After the dinner, I saw you guys off and returned to my hotel room
Later the next day, you called me to tell me that you had noticed no change in him since I spoke with him
I told you for the second time that there is no future in the relationship
You said you can talk to God yourself and get your heart’s desire. You didn’t know that the fact that he was such a fine boy would be such a big deal for me.
I said it was not the fact that he was a fine boy that was my headache
It was the fact that you were so caught up in self-deceit and denial that you were practically convincing yourself that there was something there when it was obvious that there was nothing there.
You cut the call in a huff
I let you be

Today, you called to say he had dumped you for over a month
At first, you insisted you wanted to move your meeting place to restaurants and other public places.
He ignored your call for several days until you went to his house again and did what he wanted just to appease him.
Then you decided to pay him a surprise visit one weekend.
You let yourself in through the back door and tidied up the room in expectation of his return
He didn’t return to the flat that night
The next morning, you were standing by the window while contemplating whether to return home or stay for a few hours, when you saw him alighting from a Porsche driven by a very beautiful lady
You said you quickly dressed up and let yourself out through the back door because you knew he was bringing the lady into his flat, and you didn’t want any drama
He brought the lady into his flat through the front door, while you had to hide in the shadows so that he wouldn’t see you
You said you confronted him about it when he called you to come over three days later
He told you to come over so he could explain what was going on to you
You went to his house, and instead of explaining, he just slept with you again, and he fell asleep afterwards
The next morning, he left for work early and left some money for you on the dining table
You said you felt so insulted and decided to call it off.
You sent him a message stating clearly why you don’t think the relationship is working
He didn’t even bother to reply
You said it has been a month, and you are still in pain.
I said “Sorry”

PS: There is something called being unequally yoked. You can be ambitious as a lady, and you can also be ambitious as a young man when it comes to picking who to date based on looks.
There are, however, certain ladies and guys who are way beyond your level in everything.
Dating such a person makes you feel inadequate and insecure
You always feel you have to overcompensate and bend over backwards to impress such a person
The person treats you like trash, but you want to keep the person so desperately that you are willing to endure any form of indignity in order to prove you are worthy of the person’s love
Don’t put yourself in this situation as a young man or as a young lady
Beautiful people can deliberately exploit your lust for their beauty to make you pay dearly for daring to imagine you can ever be with them
You may not know another person’s worth, but you must know your worth!
If it is costing you your self-esteem, it is not love.
When someone is way beyond your class, level, or category. It is best to let such a person be.

-GSW-