Surplus To Requirement

A husband and a wife are supposed to have equal stakes in a family unit.

They must both be determined to make the marriage work above all else

Their commitment to their union must be such that no external influence from any source will be big enough to persuade either party away from their commitment to build their home

It is always a delicate balance when it comes to their relationship with their extended family members

Some parents struggle to let their children and after the marriage, they continue to demand attention from the children or insist that the couple make room in their new home for them

You cannot get married and cut off your family, but you cannot also get married and bring in your family

You must set boundaries, and the boundaries have to be firm

Friends are also supposed to adjust to the status of the new couple

Whether they are friends of the husband or friends of the wife, the individual parties in the marriage must make it clear that the marriage matters to them more than friendships in a good way.

A man once told me that if he and his wife were making love and her phone rings, she would pick up her call and, if it is from one of her friends, she would stand up from their matrimonial bed to answer the call

He said one of the strongest battles he fought that eventually led to his divorce was with his ex-wife's choice of friends and their strong influence over her.

This is wrong.

Your friendships are important, but if you are choosing to get married, you must be mature enough to meet the needs of both your marriage and your commitment to your friends in such a manner that the two complement rather than compete with each other.

Your friends should respect your home and add value to it, and you must respect the friendship and add value to it.

If ever you put yourself in a position to have to choose between your friendship and your marriage, just know that you have handled things wrong, and whichever of the two you choose not to pick would die.

In an ideal situation, your marriage should be your pick, unless of course it is a terrible union and you don't want it to continue.

There is also this new trend of ladies who have practically become so brainwashed by their pastors that it is required of them to bring a husband to their pastor, and this husband must submit to their pastor before they can be allowed to get married to him.

You hear all sorts of funny statements like "I am not an orphan, my man of God, or my mentor or my pastor has been mentoring me long before I met him, and if he is serious about marrying me, he must be approved by my spiritual father. If he cannot do that, I am not interested in marriage."

Or something like "How can you marry a man who has no spiritual mentor he submits to? If he begins to misbehave tomorrow, who will call him to order?"

A lot of young ladies are so emotionally committed and attached to the pastor of the church or leader of the fellowship they are attending that long after the wedding, they are still receiving daily instructions from their papas on how to relate with their husbands.

When such a husband notices this unhealthy attachment and declares that they want to change churches, the wife would go into a fit and declare that it has to be that church or the marriage will be no more.

The attachment to the pastor is sometimes so strong that even when the couple relocates abroad, the wife still compels the husband to pay tithe and offering and sow seeds to her papa's ministry.

This is not only unhealthy, but it is also diabolical.

Pastors must stop turning female church members into baits that they want to use to catch the men in their lives, so that they can have that family under their thumb in order to access their finances.

A lady actually told me that she cannot marry a man who would not pay his tithe to her pastor, and she is not in any relationship yet...

When did we start including the pastor's tithe as part of the bride price?

Ladies are often the culprit here, and it must stop. If your church or fellowship is not building you up so that you can have an independent mindset, you should leave it.

Jesus did not come to yoke us into religion and the insecurity of our religious leaders.

Think for yourself.

Many husbands and some wives put their careers or jobs ahead of their marriage.

This is not very wise

Where you fetch water from is not as important as the garden you are watering

The water source can change at any time; your garden is yours for life.

Spending all the time at work and no time at home or with the family is foolishness

A garden you don't tend will grow wild, and you will find yourself unable to enjoy the fullness of its fruits and benefits.

Finally, the children.

It seems to me that today's priority is always on the emotional health and feelings of the individuals in a marriage, and most people think the children are of very little consequence in their decision-making.

It is better not to have children than to have them and subject them to all forms of emotional trauma and psychological torture.

Bad marriages take a heavy toll on the children, and these children will grow up to become adults who will then start complaining about not finding the right expressions of love in the future.

As parents, you must consider them seriously, but not in such a manner that all your focus is on them and you let your marriage go into the pit.

What is required of a good marriage is two people, both determined to work it out and see it through, regardless of what life throws at them.

Every other thing is surplus to requirement.

PS: We are coming to Lagos on Friday, and we will be addressing serious marital issues in the place of prayer.

We will also be ministering to those experiencing strange realities in terms of stagnancy, marital delay, financial challenges, curses, afflictions, demonic oppressions, and spiritual attacks.

We do it right, we do it by the Spirit of Jesus in the place of power and the prophetic

It will be of great benefit to all who attend.

You are hereby invited.

-GSW-