A Laughing Matter

A young lady found herself in a relationship with a man seven years older than her.

They met when she was seventeen, but they started having sexual relations when she turned nineteen.

Their relationship was exclusive as they both hoped to get married one day.

They were both students when they met. He was in his final year while she was in her second year at the same University.

He graduated the year they became lovers, while she continued to study

While he was observing the NYSC, she was doing everything she could to not drop out of school due to finances

Her parents were very poor, but her mother's elder sister stepped in to help her with her fees when the church sponsoring her education couldn't continue

It was a strong battle at the time, but God came through.

After his NYSC, he began to hunt for a job while she continued to trust God for sustenance, as her sponsor only took care of her school fees while she was expected to fend for herself somehow.

She had the option of going the way of Rahab, but she didn't take it.

Other men saw her beauty and whispered a lot of sweet nothings in her ears, but she was determined to be sexually disciplined.

"You don't have to open one mouth to feed the other mouth," she reminded herself of this over and over again.

Somehow, she got through school and graduated top of her class.

He was still job hunting

She went to observe her NYSC and got retained at the Insurance company where she served.

He was still job hunting and living with his parents.

She rented an apartment, furnished it, and moved in at the age of 23

As soon as she did all that, he moved into the apartment to get away from the stress of doing house chores at the age of 30 while still living with his parents

She became the provider while he lived with her and off her, claiming that God had lifted her head so quickly because of his prayers and her faithfulness to him.

Whenever there is any huge financial obligation to meet, like payment of her house rent, her master's degree school fees, hospital bill, electricity bill, and such, he would give excuses and return to his parents' house until he was sure she had sorted it out.

Even the little bills like "Buy me a burger on your way back from town" or "We need to refill the gas" or "We need some groceries". If he bought it with his money, he would hound her until she refunded him every penny.

At a point, they had a sit-down, and she told him everything she had observed in his attitude towards her in their seven-year relationship.

He replied by telling her she is free to sleep with any other person who comes into her life for money, while he continues to strive to find his feet, since he was incapable of meeting her needs financially or carrying his part of the responsibility as a man living off her.

Foolishly, she took him up on it.

Since he had released her to sleep with other people while he would remain her boyfriend, "who looked away because it is his fault that he couldn't provide".

She never told him the details, but once in a while, whenever she met someone who was wealthy and willing to spend some money on her, she would take the man up on it.

Talk, good food, great company, exchange of ideas and contacts, network here and there, great dates, gifts, financial support, she insisted on STD, STI test when it becomes obvious she and the man would end up in bed and ultimately have sex with the man.

She kept it impersonal and simple. She meets with the man and manages communications with her boyfriend, usually by telling him she got a new client at work who she has to work with for a month or two until the account is sorted.

Then she spends more time away from home than at home until the relationship is consummated.

The man gets what he wants after she has gotten all she could off him, and then they part ways.

She did this steadily for two years. In all, she slept with five other men apart from her boyfriend. A politician, the MD of another Insurance company who flew her to Dubai, an Indian Jeweller she met in Ikeja, Lagos. An industrialist she met at a conference in UNILAG, and a pilot she met at a Youth Empowerment programme organized by the politician mentioned above.

She got some good money saved, bought a car, and registered her own company apart from her insurance job.

She met other men who wanted a relationship that could lead to marriage with her, but they were like her boyfriend.

Men in their thirties whose mouths are full of excuses and blame for the government for all their woes.

The goal-driven, success-oriented men she met were all married

She went to the hospital for her annual medical check-up, and the gynaecologist told her that if she intends to be a mother, she has a two-year window to become one.

She got home and told her boyfriend what the doctor said.

His attitude towards her changed immediately

He said, "So after you have slept with other men and done countless abortions, I am expected to play the role of a supporting partner now so that you can be a mother?

You cannot eat your cake and have it. You wanted money and ease, and you got it at the cost of your womb. Congratulations to you, but I will not be saddled with a barren woman.

He packed his bags and left her the next day. He didn't break up. He just left with all his bags, and he blocked her everywhere.

That was it.

The end of her eleven years with him.

She was thirty, and he was thirty-seven.

She cried for two weeks and decided to plunge herself into her business.

The day she resumed work, the politician came around to check up on her. He had been giving her some steady businesses and introducing some other politicians to her who were also working with her on their constituency projects and youth empowerment programmes.

Sometimes she gets the procurement contract, and at other times she provides insurance coverage; sometimes she does both.

He asked her what was wrong with her, and she told him point-blank that she needed to be a mother and that her boyfriend had dumped her.

The politician took her out on a date that night, and they talked while she cried her eyes out.

At one point, he joked that the waiters and other diners were probably wondering what he did to her

He said, "Stop crying, please, people are probably thinking you told me you are pregnant for me, and I have told you to go and abort it, or that I cannot marry you because I am married"

His comment made her laugh stupidly.

He married her. He was a divorced father of two children. He was separated while she slept with him, but the kind of relationship they had then did not include sharing each other's life details and stories.

She moved from her house in Akoka to his house in Magodo Phase II.

She was pregnant a month after their marriage.

The lines really fell to her in pleasant places; she got her goodly heritage

Her inheritance was secured.

Glory!!!!

When the pregnancy clocked four months, doctors advised that she should stop driving.

Her husband suddenly arrived home one evening with a driver in tow

He came into the house and told her he had gotten her a driver

She dressed up and waddled after him to see the person

It turned out to be her ex-boyfriend

She said the baby in her womb laughed first

She couldn't help it, but she started laughing too

Enemudo has chosen to work as a driver at the age of thirty-nine!

And of all people, fate brought him to her doorstep!

Her husband asked her what the issue was

She told him the driver he got was her ex-boyfriend

Her husband began to laugh too.

PS: It was a long but funny story

The weavers of fate can sometimes be hilariously tragic in their mischievous ways

That was the last time she saw him

She delivered a baby boy on the first of January 2025.

The End