Alabaster

Alabaster

Gbenga, I stumbled across your website 
recently. 
You are very gifted. 
Beyond the gift, I guess you have seen 
many of life’s curve balls and have learned 
not to be quick to judge unlike many of your 
young and idealistic twitter followers.
Is there anybody who doesn’t want a 
perfect story?
Is there anybody who doesn’t desire a 
perfect life?
Thank God for God!
If people were God, no one would ever 
walk with their heads high after stumbling 
over the proverbial stone
Look at all the women in the lineage of 
Jesus!
Do you think God couldn’t have chosen 
more pristine vessels?
Mortals will always be eager to throw 
judgmental stones in the name of God, 
especially those whose sins were 
forgiven freely 
(I mean Christians).
Like the prodigal son’s elder brother we 
are quick to take offense that grace was 
extended to somebody who erred!
I am telling my story, I expect to be 
judged as others before me were!
I could have kept my experiences to 
myself, but I was forgiven much and 
I intend to give much more of myself 
like the woman with the Alabaster box!
 Love bids redemption stories be
 shared for others to be guided away 
from the pit.
*********
I fell in love for the first time when I 
was 15
I fell in love with the most unlikely 
person in the world
My father was a renowned socialite
My surname had a lot of weight
I was destined for a glorious and 
financially secure future
The young man I fell in love with 
was a “teacher”
My lesson teacher
He didn’t do anything to encourage 
me because that would have been 
the end of his life
My father was a very powerful man
I was an okay student but I struggled 
with the core science subjects
My older siblings were all art students 
and I had nobody to turn to for help
I could have studied arts too but I 
wanted to forge a different path for 
myself
When my father saw my first term 
results as a science student he 
summoned my school principal
They discussed and agreed I needed 
a brilliant teacher to help me navigate 
the treacherous waters of Physics, 
Chemistry, Further Mathematics 
and Mathematics
I wasn’t consulted
The day my “Tutor” resumed, 
my father simply said “Your private tutor 
will be arriving at 4 pm today”
That was all!
I hated the private tutor that very moment
4pm was my siesta period and I love to 
read my Mills and Boons those days 
before being led into dreamland by my 
imagination
But the moment I saw him, I changed 
my mind
He was the opposite of my father in stature. 
He was tall, lanky, lean, softspoken and 
very patient
He was the first son of a carpenter
He was teaching to save enough money 
to study medicine 
He had unconventional methods of
 teaching.
He knew the tricks and the short cuts 
to solving many mathematical problems
He was good
I fantasized about him a lot
I believe he wasn’t even aware of my 
feelings for him until I wrote and 
passed my GCE the following year
We both gained admission to study 
medicine two years later
He got a scholarship
I had always known I cannot marry him
I don’t even think I desired him that way
“There are people you love for a season, 
there are people you love for a reason, 
there are people you love for today and 
there are people you love for tomorrow”
 I know there is no future to the relationship, 
no plans, just that season
He was involved with another, a 
beautiful lady he met while in the 
college of education
I was not one of those ladies who 
will pine in secret and pray for a guy 
to look their way
When I want something I went for it
I had written him a thank you letter 
after I passed my GCE and in it 
I had expressed my desire to be his 
“closet” girlfriend 
I simply invaded his space and life 
once we settled down on campus
He was a very serious bookworm, 
his social life was limited to me, a 
friend and church
He remained my teacher even at 
that level
Medicine came easily to him
When we got to 200 level, he gained 
admission to Cambridge University
The admission came with a federal 
government scholarship
He travelled immediately
We wrote letters for a while, but 
the waves of the oceans of life 
were always very unsteady
We made each other no promises, 
it had always been destined to 
end in tears
I didn’t meet any other guy I was 
even remotely interested in until 
I graduated
I was in Monaco with my family 
during the Christmas break when 
my father broke the news that we 
would be having guests
He was a musician, the son of a musician
His father was a global icon
He was on tour with his father
They were in Monaco and decided to 
come to my father’s studio apartment
It wasn’t feverish love
But it was the type of love that I can 
see a future in
He already had a child but he was 
not married
We frequent the same social circle and 
we really liked and respected each other
He was very clear what he wanted
We were married three years later
I had my first child around our third 
wedding anniversary
Life settled into its usual patterns 
and habits
When my child was three, we went to 
London
My child got an infection
We went to the hospital
My child got treated
As we were saying goodbye to the 
very friendly pediatrician 
“My Tutor” came in
The pediatrician was his friend
He had become a surgeon, a 
much-respected surgeon
I had the most unexpected feeling 
when I saw him
We chatted, he played with my child, 
and we laughed
“My Tutor” as I used to call him made 
my heart sing like Asa
We exchanged numbers and 
parted ways
I found myself smiling, strangely happy
That feeling of butterflies fluttering 
about in one’s belly
My husband was usually on tour for at 
least half of the year and perhaps 
I was lonely
I offer no excuse
I had never ever thought or felt that
 way for anybody
Not even “my tutor” when we were 
in school together as lovers
I called him the next day
You can guess what I wanted
We met, we talked, he was married 
I saw the picture of his family, he 
had two pretty daughters
I wasn’t deterred!
I slept with him
He tried to protest but who was 
he kidding?
His body language was like 
“If not for this ring I am wearing”
He wanted me – I wanted him –
 Away with barriers!!!
It went on for a week
My husband’s tour ended
My husband returned home
I returned home
Nine months later I had my 
second child
I avoided the UK like a plague afterward
For two years, I stayed at home 
tending to my family and my clinic
Then he called
He was in the country and he would like 
to see me before returning to the UK
He had bought a house
He invited me over
You can guess what he wanted
I went to his house about ten times
 in the two weeks before he traveled
My husband didn’t go on tour that year
Nine months later, I had my third child
The relationship continued, on and 
off like that
A sporadic two weeks every other 
year wherever we can meet in the 
world
My husband went on tour one year
 and received an anonymous package 
containing a picture of “My tutor” 
and another picture of me and my 
children with a note 
“Notice the resemblance?”
Perhaps it was from “his wife”
Perhaps it was from “Him” or someone else. 
I never knew
My husband returned home and 
ordered a DNA test on all the children
The two in the picture were not his
He was broken.
I was a prostitute, 
I was a loose woman, I was a witch, 
I was a whore, I was a destiny destroyer
I deserved it all!
He filed for divorce, took his three 
children from me and threw me 
out with my two bastards!
I was devastated
I had always suspected he was 
not their biological father, but 
he was the father they knew
If he had brought home children 
for me from another woman
I would have accepted them
Nobody knew I was not the 
mother of his first child!
I knew I was wrong, but he had 
slept with many women after 
we got married. 
Many of his backing vocalists and 
dancers had shared his bed
I know for a fact he had children 
outside of our marriage, all sorts of 
ladies throw themselves at him all 
the time wanting to sire a child that 
will bear the legendary surname he has!
I had always looked the other way
Always!
Whenever I protested, he would say 
it was a hazard of the job
I had to explain to my children at their 
tender age why they had to change 
their surnames and why their “Father” 
was no longer their father
In retrospect, if I had the opportunity 
to undo the past and live my life all 
over again, I would never have gone 
down the road I took!
I regret my actions
It was not worth it in the end
I remember falling into depression 
several times
I remember crying myself to sleep 
on so many nights
I remember praying fervently once 
for death to come and take away 
my shame
I could barely leave my flat at a time
My misdeeds scourged me to the bone
One day a friend of ours came over 
to my flat
She had called me several times but 
I didn’t have the strength to talk to 
anybody
She was an actress, a darling of the 
movie industry for many years
She had become a pastor and said 
the Holy Spirit sent her to me
She told me about Jesus and his 
love for women like me
She told me I made the wrong decisions
 because I didn’t have Jesus in my life 
and If I accept Jesus I will experience 
total freedom from shame, depression 
and condemnation
I didn’t believe that could ever happen
I had been stigmatized for life
But she was passionate and very convincing
I gave my life to Jesus
‘I felt I was just saying words’
But the words did something extraordinary 
to me
The Word changed me
She gave me a bible
I read the book of John
Illumination came suddenly
My body began to tremble
WOW!
The next day I went to a nearby church
I started going out again
I was loved, I knew it, I felt it
The voices of shame and condemnation 
were drowned
I was happy again
Jesus is joy
Jesus is ineffable love
Jesus is true peace
I hold my head high
I have obtained forgiveness
I am citizen of heaven
Nobody can ever condemn me
Jesus is mine! Hallelujah
I also learnt a vital lesson from Jesus
I stopped Judging and started loving
Love prevails over all things.


Thank you

PS: I posted this as received,
There is a lot to learn from it
Above all, a life without Jesus is 
destined for crisis
Not the religious Jesus peddled 
by bigots
Take the Bible, read the book of John,
 meet the “Jesus” without strings 
and conditions
The real Jesus
Call unto Him today
And watch his transforming power 
at work in your life!