Ego, Self Respect and Letting Go

We used to believe that endurance is a virtue. The more we have patience and stay to keep our relationship we have the image of a good person.

But what if the person drains your energy?

Does love mean self-neglect?

Does forgiveness mean we allow a person to continuously hurt us?

Imagine a housewife who has spent years giving all her love into her home. Every day, she cooks the meals, cleans the rooms, and takes care of everyone. She works from morning until night, but her efforts have never been seen—because for them it’s her responsibility. For them, her job is the easiest thing. There is no boss around and perhaps for them that’s all she can give because her husband is the one who supports the family. When her husband comes home, his husband often sees her watching her favorite Korean drama.

He sat beside her and said, “I’m tired”, how lucky you are— you are just at home. She didn’t say anything, just smiled. When she made a mistake the common word she heard was “that’s all you can do, why you can’t even make it right”? And as usual, she only says the word “I’m Sorry”.

Then one day, she fell asleep and forgot to wash the dishes. His husband saw it and got mad, and told her “I’m tired all day, you don’t even let the house be clean —It’s all you can do to help me because I am the only one who’s working in this family.

And as usual, sorry is the only word that comes out on her.

But compared to those conflicts before, that day seems different.

She sat at a table holding her mug of coffee. She doesn’t feel any pain anymore; there are no tears that usually come out.

She just looked all around the house and stared at a family picture that she used to give her life for many years, but instead of being appreciated, she was often misunderstood.

Most of us think that letting go is a sign of weakness because you choose to give up — but sometimes leaving is the only way to respect yourself.

It’s not that she stopped caring anymore;

Perhaps she just realized that she mattered too and only leaving is the only way to protect her peace and regain the self-respect that she once lost.

Sometimes there are some husbands who fail to see their housewives as equals because their wives don’t have a salary.

Most people believe that money equals value. A husband’s work is often appreciated. He leaves the house, works set hours, and receives a paycheck.

But the wife’s effort has never been seen. Cleaning toilets, folding laundry, taking care of children, and planning meals do not come with an income.

Because this work does not bring cash, and sometimes some husbands often see it as worthless. He thinks that without him his family will never survive. He forgets that his wife’s unpaid job is the reason that allows him to leave for work every morning. Some husbands treat their marriage like a business where he is the boss and an employee, using his money to control them.

He forgets that while his works ends at 5:00 PM, a housewife can never have a specific time to finish her job. Her workplace is her home, and her job lasts 24 hours a day.

Perhaps when some husbands think their wives are less important because they don’t earn money. He destroys the partnership that built in for years. The bond that had been treasured might change into sadness or resentment. This is the exact moment where letting go becomes an act of self-respect. She finally realizes that her time, and her efforts are priceless — even if her husband doesn’t see it.

Sometimes we get mistaken ego into self-respect because they are both involved in how we defend ourselves, but the way we react into every situation makes us see their difference.

Ego needs to be right all the time. It never listens to an explanation-all it wants to say is you should listen to me; you should follow this because I am right. It needs to win every argument and once mistakes happen, it will never apologize. It always finds a way to blame others.

In relationships, ego stays not because they want to save the relationship but because they are waiting for the people to change. If they are going to leave, they become the loser, the villain because they choose to give up. And most of all, ego always wants closure.

You need to explain why you did this?

Why did you hurt me?

You should apologize to me.

On the other hand, self-respect is

quiet. In a couple’s fight, someone screams, criticizes and disrespects their partner while the other chooses silence not because they are scared but because they protect their peace, that one word or action might make them regret at the end.

Self-respect doesn’t need to prove to anyone that they are good people. They accept criticism and opinion, but they know those things don’t define who they are because they are the ones who know themselves don’t.

In relationships, self-respect is patience and forgiving but it was always aware if they are being disrespected. And when they notice that the relationship doesn’t help them to grow, or they constantly losing their peace. They walk away without any drama, because they know what truly matters is not winning argument or prove their worth but the peace of mind they need.

And if you were in battles with letting go right now right now?

Take a pause.

Ask yourself

“If it’s worth keeping someone or something while abandoning yourself?”

Is that really makes you happy?

Not all battles are worth fighting.

Sometimes, things are just needed to leave behind.

In the end, letting go isn’t about whether you’ve won or lost. There is only one thing you gain when you decide to let go: peace of mind.

You no longer have to defend yourself in every confrontation, chase someone to change, or keep trying to make them understand you and see your worth. You just stop fighting for something that should never have required you to prove yourself.

And even if letting go means being alone — it means you have the courage to choose yourself instead of holding onto someone.

To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.

-Jack Kornfield