Knowing The Gospel

Met a lady, she was sixteen when she got entangled with an American Wild Catter. They met at Port Harcourt, the man fell in love and took her to the USA. This man, however, had a record of dating ladies who are in their teens and dumping them in their late twenties. She was his fourth wife, and all the others from Angola, Russia and Nigeria followed the same pattern. He picks them young, marries them, and divorces them within a six-year or eight-year period. This lady however, decided to play a fast one on him, despite their agreement that she was not to get pregnant for him, she got pregnant for him at the age of twenty-four. The man got very angry but curiously the moment he saw his children (twins) he fell in love with them. He decided he still wanted the divorce but he wanted to keep the children. It became a court case, the man realised he would lose half his wealth to her and negotiated a deal with her out of court. The deal resulted in her getting a payoff of five million dollars and some properties.

Four months after the divorce, she had seventeen Nigerian suitors. All single and professing their love. This was the point at which she reached out to me to guide her in selecting the right partner to raise her children with. When we talk about "single mothers" in a derogatory manner, most of us refer to the helpless, poor, and frail ladies who have child(ren) and are looking for a man to shoulder their burden. So it is actually the burden we run away from, not the woman. If a single mother is rich and able to fend for herself, many single men would marry her without a second thought. Our hypocrisy in making this a spiritual issue is what galls me. Just say you are poor, and you don't have the capacity to shoulder the burden of responsibility she is bearing with her rather than pretend you are condemning her because of her "sin".

There are single fathers too, I don't see threads about them because they bear their own burdens and care for their own children either through family or personally. Women marry single fathers every day as long as he can meet his needs and meet theirs too. Women don't want anything to do with a single father who cannot fend for himself. So, this is all about money and responsibility and nothing to do with God or salvation. I will insist that ideally, a couple should have their children within the context of a marriage but those who have children and are still single are equally blessed and loved by God. The gift of salvation is not for only the married, the grace of God is available to all regardless of marital status. There is no special crown in heaven for the married than for the unmarried and as far as good bahaviour is concerned, there is no difference between a child raised by a single mother when compared with the ones raised in the context of a marriage. Some toxic marriages damage children beyond repair while some single parents also damage their children by their helplessness or mindlessness.

People who have one parent living abroad while the other is living in another country with the children are also single parents, the difference lies in the fact that they have someone helping them to shoulder their responsibilities. Our gospel is imbalanced if like the men who lined up with stones to kill the woman caught in adultery, we all heap condemnation on single mothers without regard for their circumstances. If they had chosen the path of abortion, they wouldn't be single parents. For that fact alone, we must commend them and refuse to condemn them.

PS: The lady kept the twins and her new husband would become an automatic father of two. Yet, men queued to marry her. Exposing the hypocrisy of most religious folks, thinking poor is not the same as knowing the gospel

-GSW-