Pretending You Are Happy for Everyone

A colleague you trained gets promoted before you do. You smile, hug them, and say, “I’m so happy for you,” while somewhere deep inside, a tiny committee has begun reviewing the evidence.

We’ve made being happy for other people into something we’re supposed to do. Good friends celebrate, good siblings support each other, and good colleagues congratulate the winner without wondering why it wasn’t them.

There’s nothing wrong with being happy for someone. The problem is pretending that happiness is the only emotion allowed to exist.

You can be pleased for your friend and disappointed about your own situation at the same time. You can love your sister and still feel a sting when she buys the house you have been trying to afford for five years.

In families, this happens constantly. Your younger brother announces that he has bought a house while you’re still renting. Or a friend announces an engagement while you’re still trying to figure out your own relationship.

Then everyone performs happiness: “Oh my God, I’m SO happy for you!”

And somewhere underneath the congratulations, you’re wondering what the hell happened to your own life. Both reactions can be genuine at the same time.

Sometimes “I’m so happy for you” is doing a lot of work.