The Tainted Mindset

A man was looking to remarry after a nasty divorce. He was living in the United Kingdom, and his divorce happened in the UK.

His parents advised him to travel to Nigeria and find a proper Nigerian lady to get married to

He took a break and travelled to Nigeria.

He had spoken to some friends and relatives, and they had lined up several possible ladies between the ages of 35 to 40 for him to meet and probably date.

He told them he would like to narrow down the number of possible dates.

He wanted someone who had a good job because he didn't want anyone marrying him as a means of escaping poverty.

They narrowed the list down to three ladies.

One is a banker, the other is a lawyer with a very top firm, and the third is the procurement officer for a very big company.

He took the banker out on a date and discovered that the banker wasn't married or in a relationship because her parents and siblings depended on her for every nickel she earned, and they were afraid that if she got married, her focus would shift to her husband and family.

So they sabotaged all her relationships and manipulatively kept her away from all forms of relationships with the hope that she would meet a rich man one day or remain single if she ever fell in love with someone who is not so rich.

He didn't bother to go for a second date.

He felt the lady's family had too much control over her at the age of 37.

He walked away.

He took the lawyer out on a date.

The lawyer was beautiful, drove a nice car, and was dressed in expensive and classy outfits.

He asked her how much she earned per annum, and she told him. She also told him how much her rent was, how many times she travels abroad in a year, her jewelry collection, her designer shoes and bags, etc

He did the calculation and came to the conclusion that the lady was living on much more than her salary.

It was very obvious.

He didn't want to scare her away on that first date.

They had a nice time, and he could see that she was quite exposed to luxurious life and treatment.

Later that night, after they had both gotten home, the lady sent him a message that for their next day, he must send a driver to pick her up and return her to her house after the date, or come around to pick her up himself.

He called her immediately to apologize for the oversight, knowing how dangerous Lagos could be at night.

While they were on the call, he heard her bell ring (this was way past midnight).

She asked who was at the gate, and there was a reply.

She went to the gate and heard someone say, "Good evening, ma'am, my boss said I should come and deliver a drum of petrol for your generator, and this cash."

She said Okay.

He was quiet while the man and some other people delivered what they brought and left.

She didn't bother to explain, and he didn't bother to ask.

He knew she was a kept woman.

A side chick hustling to opt out of being the other woman to become the main woman in another relationship.

He didn't bother calling her again.

The procurement officer had an official car, a driver, and was making good money.

She was also from a good family, and all her siblings are doing very well independently.

She was, however, quite infested with the enemy consciousness and doctrine of her church.

She told him it was prayer and fasting that got her to the position she was holding, and without it, she was sure she would have died or been made crazy or become a victim of one witchcraft attempt or the other.

When they went to eat, she complained about everything and was nasty to the waitresses, saying the food was too expensive.

She was no fun.

She told him he needed to give his life to Jesus and come for deliverance in her church.

He said he couldn't wait for the date to end.

They surely do not belong in the same world.

He got a call from a friend in New York.

He shared with his friend all the efforts he had made to get a wife.

His friend told him that the Nigerian society is the wrong place for him to find the kind of woman that would fit his upbringing.

"You grew up in the UK, and you think you can understand or cope with a lady who is born and bred in Nigeria. You must be joking. Your wife is in Europe, America, or the United Kingdom. If you marry someone from Africa, you will deal with a poverty mindset all your life," said the friend.

The friend sent him the phone number of a lady, a Danish-Nigerian who is based in Norway.

He sent her a message on WhatsApp.

She replied

They set up a time when they could talk.

They started talking and grew to like each other.

They didn't even have to talk about "How much do you earn? What work do you do? Can you feed yourself? Is your family going to be a burden? etc

Like him, the lady left home at eighteen to live by herself and has been self-reliant since then.

She talked freely about her previous relationships, and so did he (The Nigerian ladies were cagey and secretive about their past relationships. All three had been sexually active but claimed it was either one time many years ago with a touch of I have been celibate or I have slept with only three people (first love, last lover, and one whose name always somehow changed constantly in the course of the conversation, etc)

He said the liberation and sincerity of their conversation was so enthralling, he told her he would fly down to Norway to see her on his way to London.

She told him to give her a heads-up as soon as he bought his flight tickets.

He bought the tickets the following week, shared the pictures with her, and she told him she would pick him up at the airport.

When he got to Norway, she picked him up and drove him to an Airbnb.

When he got to the apartment, he met brand new clothes.

The lady had gone shopping with her money for him.

She bought everything from gloves to murflers, to jeans, T-shirts, perfumes, and so many other things.

She had reserved seats at classy restaurants, the museum, and other places of interest in the city.

The week he spent there in Norway with her altered his worldview about women and also healed him of his bias against women.

He said his terrible marriage and other experiences he had before then made him see all women as parasitic monsters.

He said the only disagreement they had that whole week was when they got to a restaurant and he forgot to pull her seat for her.

He married her three months later.

PS: Poverty has altered the mindset of most Nigerians.

Religion has ruined our perspective of what it is to truly live.

When you live with a consciousness of lack, and you don't have a means to earn money legitimately.

People become your fish, and relationships become your bait.

If anyone should profess to like or love you, your instinct will be to milk that emotion for money.

You are always in survival mode, and every emotion you express is tainted by your response to lack or plenty.

If you like someone but he does not have money, you kill the emotion, and if you dislike someone but he or she can lift you out of poverty, you develop affection for him or her by force.

Nigerian ladies see spending money on a man as beneath them; for this reason, and when they do spend it, they talk about it with regret all the days of their lives.

Nigerian men see spending money on a lady as an accomplishment that rewards them with sex.

These mindsets are tainted by poverty consciousness.

We must not pass this on to the next generation.

-GSW-