Why Do We Have Sexless Marriages? (Husband Edition)

1. The man is sexually impotent: There are men who are married with children who suddenly discover that they couldn't get their manhood to work with their wives for one reason or another

Such men would seek treatment in whatever form because they love their wife and they understand the implications of not being able to satisfy her sexually.

Depending on the kind of wife the man is married to, he may choose to divulge what he is going through with his wife, so that she is carried along, and sometimes the man may keep quiet or even start lashing out at the wife by taking a defensive posture or gaslighting the wife that she has grown fat or ugly and his body no longer finds her attractive.

There is nothing that strips a man of his manliness like erectile dysfunction.

It humbles him to the marrow and could set him on a desperate course for recovery

2. Some men in the course of engaging in certain lifestyle choices end up catching sexually transmitted diseases, which eventually affect their ability to make love to their wives.

Some battle syphilis (I have seen a case firsthand). Some battle HPV, HIV, Gonorrhea, and so on.

Some of these diseases could flat out render a man's manhood useless until he is cured, others would allow him perform, but he knows it will make him expose his wife to the infection.

A reasonable man will abstain from having sexual intercourse with his wife when he knows he has been infected with a strange disease through extramarital relationships.

This is why it is important that husbands and wives stay faithful in their marital relationships

Research has shown that condoms are not 100% effective in preventing STIs.

3. Some men have other issues that make them feel unworthy to have sex with their wives.

Many times, a husband would say, "I was having serious financial struggles at the time, and I could not get it up."

This is a psychological issue that ties the man's ability to provide with his right to have sex with his wife.

I tried explaining this to a woman once, and she was shocked that it was the reason her husband was not sleeping with her.

Her husband lived in London and made good money while he was in London

He met her and got married to her in Dubai, still spending in hard currency

They settled in Nigeria and had a son. They had annual vacations in Europe

Suddenly, her husband's business with LAWMA started failing

He sold his refuse disposal trucks and started scouting for contracts here and there

Within two years, the wife had become the breadwinner of the family (She was working with a bank)

The husband couldn't get it up with her from that point.

It was "shame" and bruised ego, a feeling of inadequacy, and not wanting to be told off by his wife that he had not been a good provider.

He felt unworthy to sleep with a woman he was not feeding, clothing, or providing for.

After two years of his business woes, his wife discovered he had started sleeping with the housemaid.

She sacked the maid and later discovered that he was sleeping with the lady they rented out their BQ to.

She evicted the lady, too

She started wondering what was wrong and if she had somehow lost her sex appeal because he refused to sleep with her, but was caught sleeping with some low-maintenance girls

I explained to her that those girls required loose change to sleep with, but she was worth much more, and he could not afford her at that moment.

She said, "What? He is my husband and does not need to pay to sleep with me. I explained to her that not all men see things that way."

She worked hard at getting some investors for his business, as soon as he began to make money again, he was back on his marital bed.

(This is not right for husbands who are in a dip financially to cheat on their wives. A husband and his wife are one, and no matter what season of life they may be going through, they should have sexual relations as long as it does not endanger their lives or health.)

4) Other health reasons, like hypertension, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, heart palpitation, and risk of cardiac arrest, will naturally prevent the man from engaging in sexual relations with his wife so as to preserve his life.

5) Cheating Wife Suspicion: Sometimes a man suspects his wife has been cheating on him. He is not sure and could not accuse her of any evidence, but he stops engaging in sexual relations with her out of fear for his life or health.

Sometimes, a spiritualist or herbalist would tell the man his wife is cheating through divination and warn the man that if he sleeps with his wife, he would die or become a victim of the wife's lover.

This automatically makes a man stop sleeping with his wife until he is sure the coast is clear

6) Rude and Haughty Attitude: Some women are extremely rude and haughty.

They talk down on their husbands and strip them of their dignity at every available opportunity.

They weaponize sex and use it as a tool of manipulation and dehumanization.

(Your mates are out there making money and buying jewelry for their wives, and here you are, all you know how to do is to mount a woman like a dog)

Such talks and the attitudes that come with them are a put off for many men, and eventually, the husband would stop coming to warm her bed to preserve his own dignity and self-respect.

7) The health of the wife: Sometimes the man wants nothing more than to sleep with his own wife. He desired it and hopes for it, but his wife is suffering from ill health, either mentally or physically.

Sometimes, such a wife would desire to have sex, but the husband would either be too scared or feel it would make him look irresponsible to people.

I know of cases of women suffering from postpartum depression, psychosis, chronic depression, schizophrenia, and other illnesses who crave sex from their husbands but couldn't get it because the husband felt they must be cured first.

In some cases, the doctors would even recommend that the husband should sleep with their wives as part of the healing process or as a form of therapy, but many husbands still shy away from doing this.

8) Another Woman: Usually, a man could sleep with his wife and still sleep with another woman outside of his marriage.

In some cases, however, it is not just sex. The man falls in love with this other woman outside of his marriage, and he transfers all of his affection to her.

In most cases, the wife would have done nothing wrong and would not have known the dynamics of her marriage had changed until it was almost too late.

Some men could only love one woman at a time, and it is the person they love that they sleep with faithfully.

We are all wired in different ways. In cases like this, the wife will notice that the husband stops spending personal time or any kind of time in her space, he stops sharing her bed, he stops coming home, and eventually, he leaves the marriage.

He would declare that he did not love her anymore and had fallen in love with the other woman

The other woman might be older than him, younger, of any race or colour.

This development is not the wife's fault; it is the man's fault, but the early sign of this happening is usually marked by the marriage bed not shaking as it usually was.

9) Sexual Frigidity: Some wives are no fun in bed. From the very first day of the marriage, their husband discovers that he has married hell on earth.

They find sex to be a chore or a torture; their husband touching them on the marital bed is to them a form of hangman's noose.

They have low desire, zero arousal, orgasm difficulties, lack of interest, and pain during sex.

Instead of seeking help so that they can enjoy being wives, most of these wives develop a mechanism of demonizing sex and demeaning their husbands for daring to ask for it

Eventually, the man and his wife either separate their rooms, or the man finds sexual gratification elsewhere.

Most people judge him as a cheat, and his wife would cry foul when it comes to light that he found external help.

If he talks about his wife's sexual struggles in public, he is demeaned and considered not to be a gentleman, so he must bear this cross and hope for the best.

10) Sensitivity and lack of Hygiene: A husband once complained that his wife would throw menstrual rags and pads behind their bed and leave them there for months.

Another man complained of serious odors oozing out of the wife's orifices whenever they try to make love.

Some men will sleep with a mentally deranged woman roaming the streets without a care for her looks or hygiene. Some husbands, however, are so sensitive that unhygienic environments cause their stomachs to turn and provoke their salivary glands. This puts them off their wives sexually.

Some men react to blood and the smell of blood in a strange way; therefore, exposing them to childbirth or menstrual flow could cause them to stay off sex for several months.

PS: Knowledge is better than ignorance

Knowing what to do and choosing not to do it is better than not knowing what to do when you are prepared to do anything to salvage a situation.

-GSW-