Captive of Delusions II

So, my husband said two years before this time in 2020, he had a dream, and he told the pastor that God showed him, or in 2019, that I was going to be his wife. And even the pastor didn't believe him. He said he had just archived it and kept it to himself. He never said anything. And truly, he never said anything to me. And he never said it to anybody else. He just told the pastor, and that was all.

So, He said, he said one thing also. He said that God told him that I am a gift to him. And if he misuses the gift, he will take it from him and give it to his brother. Well, I told him no problem, we'll start the journey. My only request and my only condition were that the relationship and the wedding would not exceed a period of one year.

Because previously in the year 2016, I had a failed wedding, not a failed marriage, a failed wedding. That's on my wedding day, the groom didn't show up. And I was dressing up, so I was already traumatized by that. And coming now, I had to tell him. I said, "It won't be for more than a year." And we agreed, and we started.

I wasn't scared of money. I know myself. Whatever I want to do, I do it. Especially when it has to do with money. Then, I was very okay. So, I knew I could pull off a lot of things. And if God tells you, that's me, if God says you go ahead, I believe he's going to provide. And so that was my faith. And then we went to the pastor, and he acknowledged that we were going together and all.

The pastor's wife was against it when she heard about it, and she went to him directly and told him he should avoid me and all, that he should pray about another sister in church. God will bring my husband from outside. I don't know what she had against me, but she just had that against me for a long time. Uh, we'll talk about church hurt. That was just it, and that's a story for another day.

But all in all, we went ahead with the process. And then they carried out a test and discovered, when we did the test, the series of tests, they discovered he was HIV positive. And then they called me- he called me and told me that the test result says he's HIV positive.

The first question I asked him was, "Are you gay?" It sounds odd because everybody keeps asking me, "Why did you ask him that question?" I had no proof, I had nothing, but I think the first day I saw him, I also said the same thing.

I said he's gay.

The people whom I followed to the church before joining fully said he cannot be, and I let it go.

And it never occurred to me again until that day when he called me on the phone and told me the test result, and I asked him, "Are you gay?" He said, "No," that he used to practice it long ago. Those were his exact words. He said it was long ago, but not anymore. I said, "Okay. In that case, there's nothing wrong with you. If you're not gay, then there's nothing wrong with you. You don't have HIV."

*(This is what happens once we have convinced ourselves that God spoke to us about something and made it known to other people that we believe God spoke to us. Our ego becomes an obstacle to the truth, and even in the face of empirical evidence, we blind ourselves to the truth. To back out now would mean we are admitting that God never really spoke to us right from the start, and the entity we were referring to as God is our own subconscious self. The man was gay, which is already a problem in terms of sexuality and orientation in marriage. Adding HIV positive status to that makes it even worse, and any reasonable thinking person who is not blinded by delusion would back out at this point)

And why I also said that- I know that was careless, we'll say it's careless- but why I said that also was because to get married, there were forces really fighting me not to get married. The devil really didn't want me to get married, either. And didn't want him to get married. So, we were having a lot of battles spiritually and physically. I had prayed mine away, a lot of my own, you know, I had prayed it off. **(She never wanted to get married. She stated this right from the outset. So why would it matter if some forces are militating against getting married, especially in the face of the odds presented here?)

But he's a lazy Christian in prayer. And I didn't discover it at that time because we were mostly in church. And we're praying. And as at that time when we were courting, we used to have this WhatsApp call every night to pray together. And that was it. We pray together and all.

And to bring this into perspective, I didn't suspect the gay issue because the church is more like a holiness upholding church. You don't talk to the sister; you don't sit near her. Even though you people were sitting together before, once you declare your intention to marry, they say you don't sit near her again. I don't believe in all those things, and I let them know. You don't sit near her; you don't go out. Before you talk to her, you go to somebody's house, a designated place to talk, and it's once in, whether it's two weeks or once they tell you the time.

***(Religion has always been the hiding place of all sorts of quirky secrets and behaviors. Mentally deranged people, emotionally unstable, physically sick, infected, and afflicted are all in the church, and religion is the duvet they used to cover their true selves from being seen fully in the light)

I told them point-blank, I said, "I'm not into all those things. I cannot go to anybody's house to discuss with another person. If I want to see him, I'll see him here in church. We see each other in church, we've been seeing each other in church, I'll just see in church. That's it. Or we can talk on the phone. I didn’t know his house, and I'm not interested, but I don't want to go to another person's house to have any discussions because the church itself is full of gossip. And I don't want anybody to eavesdrop on the conversation, and then it becomes a topic for the nation." So, I declined the offer of going to somebody's house to have meetings.

But we were talking in church, supervised by a lot of, you know, witnesses. A great cloud of witnesses was always there, so there was never a time we were alone. And my mind wasn't even on that. I wasn't- because I didn't find him attractive anyway, so there's nothing that would have moved me concerning him.

I didn't suspect anything because of all this, you know, restraining orders and all. You can't even talk for long. They will come, and they will start asking you, "Why are you people sitting together? Why are you still together?" and all. So, I let it go. I asked the questions I could, but I asked that particular question then, and he said there was nothing like that. It was a long time ago.

We got married.

Now I want to go to the finances because it's important. We got married, and finances- he, of course, didn’t have a job. In fact, immediately we got married, he stopped working for the church. We had issues with the church even after the wedding because they said we didn't do church weddings. And I was like, the traditional wedding, the church didn't sponsor it. We did it ourselves.

And you know how much you pay this guy. To marry somebody is not easy. A traditional wedding is not cheap. It is not easy. And we've spent money. Now he doesn't have a house of his own; he doesn't have anything. We want to start life from zero. And then you're telling me- I told you OKAY, let him move into my house. The church bluntly said no that he can't move into my house, it has to be his own house, or somewhere we rented newly.

I said okay fine. And because of that, I let another person, my flat mate, take up the house, and she and her guy because we were wedded at the same time, so they decided that they would take over the place. And she's also a female, so the guy moved in. And I had to move out.

So, I said, we have accommodation to take care of, we have a lot of things to take care of. I cannot begin to feed a crowd again. The wedding- the traditional wedding was the wedding I would do, and that's all. Maybe in the future, when we are very, very settled, we can do white, but now it is not necessary.

What the Bible recommends, we have done it. Which is that the bride price must be paid? The families are aware, the church even sent representatives, so you people are sure it happened.

I invited- I tried to invite the church, you people said I shouldn't invite the church, I should not let them know. That was the pastor's wife, anyway, not the- the pastor. Even the pastor was surprised when I later told him, because she didn't let him know that I told- that she told- or that she told me such a thing. So we didn't invite church people, but they sent representatives, and I invited some friends, just close friends within the church. And we did it, and I told them we cannot, you know, incur such expenses again. For the money, the entire money we used in the wedding, I brought half of it. Exactly half of what we spent on the wedding. Now, this excludes my own expenses, which included what I wore and everything I spent for myself.

So, then we left the church. So, the 15,000 naira was no more. And immediately we got married, when my salary came in, I sent everything to his account. It is paid into my account, of course, but I send everything into his account. Then I tell him, "Please, remove the tithe, and then I give him a list of the things I need.”

And funny enough, he will give me what I needed, and he keeps the- keeps the remaining, he keeps the remaining, and I don't even know what I- he doesn't explain to me how the money is being spent, and I don't even ask. That is my nature, I don't- I'm somebody who believes all things.

Where the Bible says love believes all things, it was talking about me. I believe in all things because to me, that is who I am. It's who I am, I take people just as I am, and it's a mistake. I tell you how it is, I tell you the truth, I don't have any reason to lie to you. I take whatever you tell me. If I ask you, you tell me this, I just take it as that. And that was my mistake.

So, I took his word for it- or his words for it, and he spends money I don't even know how he spends, and all the rest. And uh, that was how we were living financially. And we started looking for accommodation while he was squatting. Yes, we had sex because, yeah, I did that because I wanted to, yeah, for some reasons, pull him off from some things.

To be honest, he was good for somebody who, you know, doesn't have “sexual experience”. I didn't think of it either. I thought it was normal. But then, uh- well, it would be good, I don't have much experience either anyway. That's another thing.

But then, on March 10th, exactly three months after we got married, I was going through his phone after watching a movie, seeing a movie on the phone. I was tired, so I just dropped the bigger tab for him to keep watching what he was watching, so I picked up my phone. This was before we left the church; we were still in the church and all.

And I was scrolling, and I just wanted to go back to our old conversations. And after that, somehow, I went to just see his conversations with friends. And that was when I discovered that he was gay. Still active. Not just active, but even after the wedding, he has been doing it since.

I didn't panic. I saw it. He was lying right beside me, but he didn't notice. I started texting the person, one of the partners, because he has- they have different partners, or he has different partners, not just one person. So, I started chatting with the person and told him to come.

And the person asked if I was alone or if he was alone, thinking it was him. I know how to chat like… I mean… if I read your chats, I could chat like you. I could do that.

So, the guy came, and he was shocked when he heard somebody was at the door. I didn't say anything until the guy came. He went to the door and, you know, talked to the guy and said, "No, my wife is around,” and all

The guy quickly ran back before I could get to the door. My husband came back inside, and he looked at me, and I said, "Now, why did you chase him away? I wanted to meet him. I invited him." He now knelt and started crying- that he didn't tell me, he didn't admit it when I asked him, because he didn't want to lose me. He felt I wouldn't marry him again if he had said the truth.

PS: Marriage has to be “operation full disclosure or it is a sham! Everything must be disclosed upfront. Health condition, habits, the past, body counts, however exaggerated or minimized, family, family ties, work, money, dreams, aspirations, sexual experiences, mental health, and other kinds of health, academic qualifications, exes, and previous relationships etc.

You must leave no stone unturned. Both sides must ask questions and observe their partners in real life for several months. You cannot lead people into marriage with a blindfold on their eyes. Churches have to do better. Religion is ruining many destinies)

Please note again, that if anything, this story proves God didn’t have any hand in this union.

This is all shades of manipulation and self-deceit which is characterized by religious blindfold within the church.

She was better off single, but she felt an enemy was fighting to prevent her from marrying (this is definition of delusion.

To prove that enemy wrong, she got married to an HIV positive gay man who had no job, no accommodation and no future.

God didn’t do this.

-GSW-