Captive of Delusions III

And then to even crown it all, by the second month after the marriage, I started feeling sick and all, so we checked, and then they discovered I was pregnant Yes, it was before then I got pregnant. I think I got pregnant in February or so. So they discovered I'd been pregnant already, and they checked.

I couldn't leave because I was pregnant.

This is just three months after the wedding. I knew I took in that day, actually

I stayed.

He promised never to go back to it again. And I believed him. I believed him. But I had forgotten about the HIV issue. I really did take it off my mind.

And of course, in pregnancy, you do HIV tests and all, and it was negative, so there was nothing wrong with me, and that was it. I just took it like that and forgot about the whole HIV issue. And also forgot about the gay issue because I believed he said he would stop, he would stop. That was ignorant and stupid of me. And I accept, but I did it.

And then when the church issue came up, and they were trying to get us to do the church wedding after the traditional wedding, I told them we were already pregnant.

The pastor was okay with it until his wife heard, and then she raised hell, and I had to leave the church. My husband’s mom said I should come to her place and stay so that someone can take care of me since I'm falling- I'm ill. And so I went to her place to stay.

Staying with her, she has five children. They are five in number. Five adults.

My husband was the lastborn. But they don't want anything to do with her except him. He's the only one who was close to her.

Even the sister he was squatting with never goes to visit the mother. Never. Year in year out, the mother has to come when she wants to. And she's not even the one who calls her to come, but mostly she goes because of him, my husband, who was also there, so she wants to always go and see him.

I stayed with her, and while I was there, she of course didn't bother going to that one's place anymore as she used to, or she used to do, yeah. I stayed with her, and because of the pity- because the children- oh God, let me not go into that. She didn't raise them well. She didn't raise anyone well. The only person she even tried with was my husband, and he's gay. The first son is a convict in maximum, he has been convicted. The second one is an ex-convict. Just like that, so let's not go into that.

But then I stayed with her, and we related well.

I never really had issues until my husband also came to stay. I told him to let's look for a house around her, it wouldn't be too good if it's my mother too, I won't abandon her like this. I don't like it. She has all this, and nobody comes to see her, nobody visits her, nothing.

So we started looking for a house. She was so happy. And then we looked for a house around her and found one.

Big mistake.

The neighbor later told me that I made a huge mistake trying to look for a house around there, but we had already paid then, though we had not moved but we had paid before the woman told me. She said I made a huge mistake, I shouldn't have- that if she was looking at me, but she never had the opportunity to tell me not to try it. But I had already done it.

And then we moved to our place. We moved to our place where we paid for because we quarreled with her. And the quarrel was not with me.

The quarrel was between my husband and me, not even a major quarrel, just you doing the wash clothes, and I said I was not going to wash it, he should wash it, and I'll rinse it, we had an agreement and all. And I left the clothes, I washed mine, I left his, and she jumped into the matter and began to talk and came to me and said I'm not even happy that somebody married this and that and that and- you know, really talked bad. And refused to answer my greeting by the next morning. So my husband said enough, let's go. So we left. And that was how we moved away.

Time went on, and I began to notice some things. He can't stay without going to his mother's place.

I was still the one making the money.

To get the house, I brought money and all. And I wasn't bothered, I never complained for once. And he- he was showing love and care and all that.

Seven months after we got married, I lost my job because of government policies in Lagos.

So the company couldn't continue, they were harassing us and all the rest, so my boss closed up. And that same month, my husband got a job. In fact, I talked to a friend of mine, so we had two offers: one from the connection of my friend and the other one from a training he did, and they said they were going to employ him. The training was small, but he decided to go for the training with the lesser salary, and I said, " Fine, anyone you choose is good.

And so he got a job in the eighth month, so we never had a period of lack, per se. But unlike me, my husband started working and never gave me a dime.

When I was working, and all this period that I transferred money to him, most of the time I wouldn't even ask him for money again after the initial things I needed.

If I needed money, I knew how to get money, either by calling my friend, you know, checking and all that, or my boss, I'll just talk-talk-talk, and he'll just send me money and say my wahala is too much. That was how I was getting extra change.

When the job stopped, my husband never ever allowed 100 naira to enter my hand. He went with me if I needed anything, he would follow me, we'll go together, he'll buy it, he'll pay. We'll come back. When we get to church, he'll put the offering in the envelope and give it to me, already in the envelope. He never gave me a dime.

We got married in December, my birthday was in January, and I told him I wanted to mark my birthday and all.

Because it was my money, and he marked my birthday for me, but I didn't know he did it because it was my money.

After that, till today, he has never even wished me happy birthday. There's always one thing or the other that he will say as an excuse, and he will never wish me happy birthday; he has never said happy birthday to you on my birthday. He has never, not to talk of buying a gift. That's a stretch.

Now, after I lost that job, too, a dime never got to me.

Everything I had and I owned before getting married, and when I- before getting married, actually, because after marriage I never really went out to buy things. Everything was what I had. Nothing added. Nothing added.

Instead, there were subtractions because I began to add weight from pregnancy.

It hurts a bit, but I didn't take it to heart much.

Then I began to discover that if we had any little misunderstanding, he would not give me food during pregnancy. He will take the money, he will go out to work, and he will not come back- if he comes back, he will go to his mother's place and come back in the night.

So I will beg, or call- not just I won't even tell them I've not eaten, I'll just, you know, the way I used to, I'll laugh and ah, send me money with this and that and I'll just get money, buy something and eat.

Sometimes I will cook, and I wasn't trained to punish anybody with food, so most times I cook, and I leave it there. He will not touch it, he will just go to his mother's place, she was living at the next street. They will stay till night, then he will come back and come and lie down and sleep. I will be the one to apologize; he's wrong, but I'll apologize, and we'll start again. This was going on until he extended it to the landlord of the house, and they had issues.

They had issues. He brought up the issues, made sure it escalated so much that they cut the water and everything. And he will leave me and go to work, and I will fetch water.

This was after I had given birth, though. Even for context, I gave birth at home. The first issue I had to give birth at home because I was worried that there was no money, and all the rest, and I didn't want to get us into debt.

My mom was even insisting that we should just look for a maternity, but I said no problem, I'm fine, I'll give birth, I'll be fine, nothing. And to God be the glory, there was nothing wrong, no complications. I gave birth to my baby at home with a midwife present and the two mothers. My mother and his mother.

His sister and her friend came to live with us without telling me. They just arrived that night, that day with their load. They started staying in the parlor. I gave birth with them still in my house. They won't sweep, they won't- I wash, I sweep, I cook, I do everything still, while they were there and I wasn't bothered. Accommodated everything.

After I gave birth, people came to visit. Some of them gave us some money. If I dropped the money, he would quickly rush and go and pick it up and put it in his pocket. Sometimes the ones who also give to him transfer to him and all, I never saw the money.

The ones who- that they gave me, he took it.

I think only two people transferred to me. And I told him about it, and he said I should use it for this or that.

I ate eba until I almost started hating eba again after giving birth. He will just buy garri and drop it in the house, and that was it. I will eat without meat, without fish, without anything, just cook the soup with Maggi.

And I wasn't even taking offense, that's the wonderful thing. I- I didn't think deeply about it. I was just living. I was just living. It was never too deep for me. But if we had any little issue, he would tell me, "You will starve," and he would leave.

God being so kind, I am very independent. God always helped me seek help somehow, somehow. Now he eats. My baby, the daughter we had together, he didn't buy baby things, he doesn't know how much it costs to have a baby. If I'm to leave his home today and they say take everything that you brought in, all her baby things, I will carry them because they didn't- he didn't buy anything.

That was how favored and blessed I was.

People would call me and say, “Come and take, come and carry a baby cot, pampers and other things,” we were favoured.

Her clothes, everything, even the cream, he didn't buy. So he didn't know how much it cost. It's good to be good; the seed comes back, it always comes back.

After I gave birth to my baby, it got to a point I had to tell him that, "There's no fan in the room, we just gave birth, the baby, me myself I can't be going to the parlor to drag the space with your sister and her friend and my mom that is staying to help me take care of the baby, so please we need to buy fan." He refused.

So one day, the money someone brought to me, I kept it, and I told him I wanted to use it to pay for a fan. He got angry and started screaming, shouting, and hitting the wall. In fact, my mother heard the commotion.

I had been keeping it a secret from my mother all this while; bu that day she heard what was going on. Thank God the sister wasn't around and the friend.

And when my mother called him to settle the disagreement, he said I must bring the money, but I refused. I later apologized to him, but I told him I've already paid the person, so there's nothing we can do. He said okay. I bought that fan. That's the only thing I can boast of that I can see with the money that was given to the baby when I gave birth to her. I didn't even buy the bottle of Coke for myself from that money; he never even bought it, he never told me thank you, he never told me, he never. Not talk of sewing clothes.

When it was time for the child dedication, I had to look for material, sat on the sewing machine and sewed it myself, and at that time I couldn't sit well yet. But I just managed, I sewed it anyhow, I went to church like that. It's well. These were things that happened.

And then I discovered his mother was another thing. If we were on good terms, she wasn't happy. We just knew, she won't say it out, she would try to cover it up with the son and all the rest, but I knew, and she knew that I knew.

She won't be happy because he doesn't- he won't go to her place as often. But when we are quarreling, he is always in her place, so she's happy that way. She will cook what I cooked and tell him that he should come and eat her own. It's well.

PS: I had to read Job 5 again. The way the things we have been programmed to believe shape our reality is always funny. God never programmed the life of any born-again Christian for suffering and woe. It is always to each according to his or her conviction.

-GSW-