Captive of Delusions V

And um, I have been through this, I’ve been going through this torment. I had to take him to court when he got physical with me. The physical one. And then, something strange happened. Before then, the church pastor kept telling me I should attend Foursquare. So the church pastor keeps telling me that God wants us together. He doesn't want me to leave.

*(She probably didn’t tell the poor man the real truth, and the man kept using scriptures as the basis for insisting she must remain married to the man)

I want to leave, but I don't even have the finances, the financial capability to leave yet. But I was like, I'm better off without him. I'm taking a lot of financial responsibilities. My daughter, I will cook, you will come and eat it without providing. I'm paying the bills. I'm doing almost everything: clothing the child, feeding- so what is there? What’s my profit with you? And so… I went to court.

And that day, something strange happened. The lawyers, divorce lawyers, FIDA, actually, FDA- FIDA, sorry. The Muslims among them and everybody started talking to me and said that God wants me to remain in the marriage. It was like the atmosphere changed, and they began to prophesy. They said God wants me to remain, that it wasn't a mistake, and this and that, I will get healed, I should not worry, but I should not leave.

After they had finished talking in a prophetic way, one of them just said, “Ah, we have been preaching since!” and everybody got themselves, and they laughed. And that was it. But I stood up, I walked away because- they called him too. He came. He admitted to being gay and all.

**(God, please deliver from this sister who kept using spiritual terms in the most irreverent manner. Muslims are prophesying that you should stay in bondage until you catch HIV. What happened to your brain?)

I'm not the type who knows how to narrate tales much, but it is painful. For my daughter to start school, I sold my sewing machine. His mother said she will buy it. So, she's old, she doesn't sew, and I don't know- so I said, “No problem, just let- so that her school fees will be paid, and then the remaining money we are owing the thrift people will balance them up.” He said, “No problem.”

The mother bought- he carried the machine to the mother’s place. He didn't pay the school fees in full; he paid half. Less than half, in fact. And didn't pay the thrift people and didn't tell me what he used the money for, the rest.

He brought his gay partner to the house.

And then the thrifts started calling me. So out of frustration, I sold the second one that the mother gave me when we got married. She said she gave me, she bought it for me, and then she gave it to me. So I sold it, and then I paid the thrift people, planning to pay the school the balance of the school fees.

He called the mother and told her that I sold the machine. She came and said she never gave me the machine; it’s her own. It's her sweatshirt, I should return it. So I went and collected it from the person, and I gave it back to her.

And right now I’m paying the school fees in bits. I am in debt on every side, total debt: loan apps, thrift… It’s almost 350,000.

No hope of where to pay from. My friend, I have borrowed from her; I’ve borrowed from everybody. In fact, some people don’t pick up my calls again because they know I want to borrow.

I'm a virtual assistant. That was what I was- I have this certification from ALX. I didn't finish school, and I'm not a university graduate. But I did that ALX, and I’m also doing- In fact, when I wanted to do the AI and automations, and the money was remaining 26,500 to pay up, I told him. He refused. Anything that would bring me forward, anything that would make me independent or have money again, he stands against it, he fights it, he doesn't support it. He refused to give me the money. He had money then, but he didn’t give me.

I borrowed from my friend to pay up. I’m learning it now, but no laptop. I have nothing. In fact, I was telling my friend that if I want to leave this house, the only thing I have are my certificates, so I removed them to her place because I discovered he stole- he stole the house receipt also. The house receipt is in my name; he stole it so that I won’t be able to use it in court.

So I just removed my certificates and took them away. But this is why I told you I said it’s a two-way thing. I'm a woman, I'm not a man. I’ve made mistakes, but I’m not sure I made a mistake because even when I wanted to go, I went to the court. The case is still in court, it’s still with FIDA. If God can meet me there and still use lawyers, even the ones who wear hijab, to prophesy- I'm not talking of just… and say, “Don't go away from the marriage. God wants you there.” Then I know that there's nothing I can do. **(Again, writing with brain full of foam for brain)

That is why I'm still here. But most times if you check, sometimes I beg online, I have to delete it. I beg online, I have to delete it. It’s exhausting. But I know that God will come through for me one day.

I’m gathering my story. There's no throne without a cross, right? I'm on the cross right now. I’ll wait for the throne.

If you have any questions, you can just let me know, and I will answer them gladly. With proof, most of the time.

But the question of age before getting married

I was 34 when I got married, and he was 32. And uh, I was ready spiritually, I was ready emotionally, and all.

I had dealt with a lot of things before dabbling in marriage. So I was ready. I was ready for it.

Regarding the character and switch, I think his mentality is that to him, the money is a means for control, so he's fighting every means possible for me to have it, so that he can control me. But he isn't understanding and seeing that money doesn't control me.

I'm actually a different kind of person. I don't place so much value on money. He’s somebody who places value on money so that money can control. You can do anything for money, you can submit because of money, and so on. Money can’t control me, and he should have thought of the times when I had.

Even till now, even now, we are married, I'm still taking responsibilities for 75% of the bills in the house. I'm still carrying it. And as I said, good works speak.

These people from the past know me as a beggar now.

I I never used to beg before I got married. But three years of marriage have turned me to Al-majiri because I am just begging and begging. But I don't see any other way.

My child would have died if I had kept quiet and, you know, listened to him and his mother, who were fighting me for treating her.

Thank God she's alive today. I have the evidence that I did not beg for naught.

The... even up to just this Saturday, just this Saturday, I was begging people, even online, I had to beg online for the light because we had not had light for two weeks, the prepaid went off.

Many times, people might say from a distance, "Oh, you are the one at fault," but I thank God that people are watching. They are close: the pastor, the church members, and everybody's just looking and like, "No, this sister is not at fault." I'm somebody who is open to... if I'm at fault, just tell me, I'll accept, I agree. I don't have... but I asked, "Please, is there anything I'm doing?" They say no.

Even in the court, the women said no, that I'm trying. They can't tolerate half of it, but that God said I should stay, that God wants me to stay. And I... you know, when God has spoken through the mouth of the donkey, no matter how stubborn Balaam or a stubborn Balaam you are, at least you should listen. That's why I'm still here. Not because I wouldn't survive better out... I'm a survivor, that is me. But every step of the way, I know that it has been God.

So I don't want to take any step without confidence in myself. I still want to always remember it is God, and I don't want to take any step without him. That's why I'm still here. But it's painful, but I'm learning a lot.

I changed my passwords, my banking... everything, I changed everything and got a new ATM card. I changed the whole password so he doesn't have access to it.

Now he talks to me... it fluctuates now like NEPA light in Nigeria. He talks to me when he feels that I'm spending, and he will come close probably to get me to then so that he can collect. But I've blocked all that.

You are talking to me, we are talking, it doesn't really... it doesn't have to get into finances though. I talk to you. Of course, the Bible even says I should love my enemy, so even if you were my enemy, I would talk to you. That's me. So talk, but it doesn't have... but he... that is just it. If I have, he comes closer, he’ll come around, he’ll begin to... if he notices that there is nothing, he’ll activate his wickedness and all.

And if you ask him, he will lie.

He was even... when the pastor called us in last Sunday, he was lying, and the man was looking at him like... if I was not close, if I was not... you... I would have believed you, I'm in close proximity to all these things. I even see, even the ones he's not telling me, I'm seeing, so it's not as if you are not talking to a baby.

He's a mature man.

He went to the court, he lied, you know, he just lied... he would just start lying. But you know, truth doesn't need support. It's well.

As I said, it's a two-way street. It just depends on who is on the receiving end. Sometimes it's the man, sometimes it's the woman. In my case, I'm on the receiving end.

Once I have, he becomes a loving husband, a caring husband, a present husband, and he will come back home on time. But once he perceives that I don't have or I'm not giving to him, the relationship is over.

Hmm, in fact, what prompted me to go to court was that he kept saying, "Pack out, pack out, pack your things and leave."

So I didn't bother, I didn't say anything, I just went to the court. And then he calmed down on that. Since then, he has not made such a statement again because they had to let him know that he cannot do that

The receipt and everything... and even at that, she's taking financial responsibilities, so you cannot just tell her...

You are the one who will leave if anybody has to leave.

Although when I went back alone, they were like if I want to really leave, I should just look for a place because he's saying he doesn't want to leave and they can't force him out, and all that because it's both of us that paid for the house rent. It's like, fine. But it is difficult. I understand when... I've experienced so much in life; this is just one of them. This is just one of them, and it broke me, and I think in the last two weeks, I just came to terms with everything.

I mourned the relationship, I cried so much, I cried so much like I lost something, and then I wiped my tears, and I stood up. And to me right now, I'm not married. I'm just staying in the house, but I'm not married. We are together, it's fine. I pray, if you want to join in, you join in, it's fine. If you don't want to join in, I will still pray with my child. I still want her to grow in the Lord, and that's just it.

Experiences differ, people differ, and it is not just the man in finances.

The women also carry things that most times are unbelievable, but we do. The school fees...

I sold my two sewing machines. The mother is the one who even bought the two... or she's with the two now.

She said she didn't give me that one, and the one I sold, she bought it. I didn't see the money with my eyes; they didn't give me the money. I didn't see... I don't even know how much, I don't know. But then and yet the school fees are not paid completely, so I have to do it now. I've been paying in bits

i also have to feed her healthy meals because of her health condition

These days I have to buy eggs because meat is expensive, chicken is... where do I get the money? So I have to buy egg, at least one a day, I buy one a day for her. And taking ARVs, what am I eating? How am I fending for myself? If he manages to bring rice, he’ll just drop it. I have to source for every other thing. That's when he decides that he will bring it. And if not, that's if he gets it from somewhere.

It's well. It's well.

Thank you for listening. Any questions, I'm open to answering, just so you understand.

PS: It is a bad thing that they stopped teachers and parents from flogging children some decades ago. Flogging is a symbol of suffering. When someone does something foolish or silly, you flog the person so that the person knows what the repercussions of foolish decisions are. This will help the person to make better decisions in the future.

The sister telling this story was not flogged as a child. If she was, it was not well done. She keeps making very foolish decisions under the delusion of "prophecy from muslims and I had a dream, or God said, when God does not talk to her at all. I hope when she sees this, she will get the message and do the right thing for herself and her child.

-GSW-