Listening To Actions

When a man does not love a lady, and he does not want to hurt the lady, he will show it to her through his actions.
Some ladies take being told "No" very seriously and emotionally that many guys won't ever tell them to their faces that they are not wanted or desired.
So what most guys do is become absent-minded, and absent indeed when they are in the company of such ladies.
Some ladies get the message early and move on, but some keep convincing themselves that the guy will change or that the guy is the will of God for them.
This makes them put in more and more effort until third parties begin to notice that the love they were showering was not being reciprocated.
At this point, the lady ought to call it quits, but many would not.
This third party, who might be the man's mentor, father, mother, friend, brother, sister, or pastor, will step in and "convince" the man to consider all the efforts the lady had put into the relationship and do right by her.
(Guilt-tripping the man in many ways to ensure that he marries the lady, or at least gives the relationship some form of attention)
This is the foundation for a bad marriage.
The love was not natural
Forced love always leaves both parties unsatisfied.
The lady would continue to be the one pouring more and more into the relationship, while the man would barely be visible.
It is easier for a man to convince a lady who didn't really give him much attention to change her mind and even grow to love him than for a lady to convince a man who really didn't love her to change his mind.
When ladies learn this hard truth, they will pay attention to what the man feels for them more than what they feel for the man before deciding if a relationship or marriage is worthy of pursuing with the man.

Just one example: As an undergraduate who had flunked out of a previous university, the last thing on my mind was any form of relationship or friendship.
I just wanted to graduate and leave Bowen University with a good degree.
I found myself in class with students who were four to six years younger than I was.
So I minded my business and faced my studies.
There was this lady who took it upon herself to love me.

I was academically sound (because of where I was coming from, I practically spent all my time in the library, and I came to every class to prove a point to myself that I was not a failure)
The academic soundness thing naturally attracted attention, and a lot of classmates flocked to me either to ask for help with a course or an assignment, or whatever.
This lady began to shadow my steps, convincing herself that if she stuck with me, she would also become serious academically.
It was a noble move, but I had seen more of life, and I knew she would develop feelings for me.
I warned her about this in a gentle way, as an "older brother".

"You cannot be in a man's space almost every waking hour of the day without developing some form of feelings for him.
I didn't want that kind of complication in my life at the time.
She said she was a big girl and could take care of her own emotions.
I let it be
Three weeks after she started studying with me, she began to initiate these dangerous moves.
She started buying lunch daily, leaving love notes in my books, and texting me every night before she slept and every morning when she woke up.
Later, she started delivering dinner to my hostel too, with love cards.
Some people started noticing, and they began to call her my girlfriend
She also made it clear in the female hostel that I had been bagged and tagged
I didn't like her like that
I didn't want to like her like that
I just wanted to be left alone to sort out my life, but she was persistent, and the more I pulled away, the more she forced herself into my space
She even joined the Christian fellowship I led and was always sitting in the front row like "Mama" of the fellowship.

How would I get rid of her without making everybody see me as someone who took advantage of her? (Because this is how such ladies make everything seem to observers. They are the innocent doves, and you are the devil who took advantage of them materially or carnally by encouraging them or not drawing clear boundaries.)
So I decided to make two more friends in class, both of whom were brilliant and beautiful
Most important is the fact that they were female
We all began to read together
I polluted that space she claimed to own
I muddied the waters
People began to see me with these other ladies, and the ladies began to tell those who care to listen that we were not dating.
By the end of that session, she had moved on.

The two ladies I adopted, however, gave me the same problem in our second year
I had thought I was safe because there were two of them.
One bought the other over, and she pursued with the backing of the other one.
This time around, I sought counsel from one of my lecturers and made myself scarce on campus.
No more reading in the library and eating in the cafeteria
When they realised I had chosen to leave the public spaces to them and confined myself to my room, they sent messages and emissaries
I didn't budge, and they moved on.
Again, I didn't like them that way.

Choosing a woman to be with and being chosen by a woman to be with are two different things.
Most men prefer to be the ones doing the choosing.
When a woman decides to choose and pursue, regardless of her efforts, a man is not obligated to respond or return her affection unless he truly cares for her that way

-GSW-