Taking One For The Team

I had DNA tests done for my children. Not because I doubted their paternity but because it is the right thing to do to show an example and leadership on an issue that is plaguing the world. This has nothing to do with distrusting their mother or suspecting her of any wrongdoing. I didn't sneak around gathering evidence against their mother, I did it in the open despite knowing that they were my children from their looks and their mannerisms.

I hold the belief that if every reasonable-thinking father did a DNA test, regardless of how sure they are of the paternity of their children, and everyone embraced the idea of doing the test, it would reduce paternity fraud significantly. It may not cure infidelity in marriages, but it will help guide the thinking of those who somehow got pregnant for another man in the course of a marriage and then brazenly gave such a child for another man to raise without his consent.

I believe all children are unique gifts from God, and a father should not just be defined by his biological contributions to the process of having children.

A good father must raise his children willingly and deliberately; however, a good father must not be deprived of the right to know if the child or children he is raising are adopted children or his biological children.

For some, this makes a huge difference; for others like me, this makes no difference at all. Every child I raise who bears my name is mine, and I have raised both my biological and adopted children the same way.  If you come to my house, you won't ever see a difference between my adopted children and my biological children. But that is me.

For other men, raising their biological children is very important to them. Some wouldn't adopt, and some wouldn't contribute a dime or a voice to how the children of another are being raised. It is their right to choose how they desire to conduct themselves in this regard, and no one should have the power to beguile them into raising a child they would otherwise not want to raise.

Many wives claim that a paternity test is an indication of a lack of trust from their husbands, they shouldn't. In my opinion and I am not wrong, I believe they should be the one to champion the paternity test with all joy.

Having to live with heart palpitations and anxiety for a lifetime due to fears that a husband may discover the child his wife had given to him as his own is not really his own is not a good way to live. The effect of such a discovery on many men had been diverse over the years. Some died after they found out, while some just smiled and forgot about it.

I have heard wives saying, "I didn't outrightly tell him the child was his; he just assumed the child was his, and I didn't bother to correct him." What else was a responsible man to do? He is married to you, and you got pregnant during the marriage and had a child. Is it not supposed to be automatic that the child is his?

Some argue that Christians shouldn't do paternity tests because unbelievers are the ones who are unfaithful in marriages and, therefore, the ones committing paternity fraud.

I agree, but I propose that for this very reason, Christians should be the ones setting the example by championing the cause of paternity tests so that they can use this to guide those who are unbelievers into doing the right thing.

When immunization was introduced in the 60s and many ignorant people refused to take it for their children, it was the church that set an example by championing the rightness of it and allowing their children to take it as an example to the world. We do some things that are not convenient just so that we can set some faulty lines straight.

In journalism, we were trained with the mantra "When in doubt, leave out" meaning that while pursuing a story, if you happen to come upon an information that is unsubstantiated, no matter how sure you are of the fact, once you have any form of doubt, don't publish it.

The same goes for this issue especially with men, if your wife delivers a baby and something did not add up in your mind or the calculations didn't make sense, or you had not been sexually involved with your wife for a while and suddenly she pounced on you and produced the "I am pregnant" card. Don't swallow it or dismiss your gut feeling, it is better to be sure than to be in the dark.

Bathsheba was going to deliberately commit paternity fraud against Uriah, and David arranged it. The facts were clearly spelled out in the Bible for all to see.

Only a woman knows for certain who she got pregnant for, and only a woman can choose whether she wants to keep the baby or not. This is her right, and she would do everything to protect it.

It is, however, not her right to force the baby of another man on her husband and knowingly deceive him into raising the child, only for the truth to be discovered after years of labour and toil.

Ironically, it is the responsible men who fall victim to paternity fraud. Irresponsible men won't even raise their own children, so no woman would bother to commit another child into their care.

My appeal to every faithful wife out there is to please set sentiments aside and encourage the men (husband, brother, friend and acquaintances in their lives to commit to a paternity test on all their children, if they push this the same way they push their rights when it comes to who to have sex with, when to have sex and even on the issue of abortion, they would cause a seismic cultural shift that would one day protect their sons and grandsons from being victims of manipulative and unfaithful women.

It is up to the faithful women to keep the unfaithful ones in check. It must be a collective effort and not  men versus women thing. The goal is to cure a malady that has long plagued our societies.

The means to do so are available and affordable, and I believe we should not hesitate to embrace them.

Someone argued that the paternity test being embraced might increase the rate of abortion generally, and this is a sin against God.

This argument holds no water in any way. If a wife strays in the course of the marriage and gets pregnant for another man, she should tell her husband "Honey, this baby is not yours, it belongs to another man, after I have delivered the baby, I will hand him or her over to the father and then come and resume my wifely duty.

If the man does not accept the baby, I will bring him home for us to raise. Thank you for your understanding, my faithful husband."

She might also decide to abort the baby but as we all agreed universally, this is her right and we cannot contest it, but that is on her.

There is yet a simpler alternative, it is called being faithful to your husband. It is not a big deal. Just honour your marital vow and stick to the man you promised to honour with your body."

Finally, someone said, "What about the men, the unfaithful ones who are renting apartments for other women and having children with them despite being married?"

Such men are not committing maternity fraud; they are committing unfaithfulness in marriage, and the wife is not bound to raise the children they have outside the marriage or even stay in the marriage. The man cannot bring a child home and deceive his wife into raising the child.

If a man brings home a child he has outside of the marriage, he will have to sit down and have that uncomfortable conversation with his wife about the child, while also appealing to her good nature to help him raise the child. She can choose to do this or not.

As we can see, she had a choice, unlike in the case of paternity fraud, where the choice of the man has been completely taken away by the wife.

PS: On the 10th of May, we will be in Lekki for the River. It is an intensely spiritual atmosphere of the Holy Spirit, charged with power and the rendition of worship songs in adoration of our God.

We will sing new songs and experience the ministrations of the Holy Spirit as we minister to Him in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs

We will sing well-known songs, and there shall be ministrations to all who shall come with one issue or the other

If you have ever been to any of our meetings, you will know that we ascend in His presence as we lift Him high.

Please plan to attend