Hard Reset

Her man decided he no longer wanted to eat her food

She had been complaining a lot about house chores

So, the man took her up on it

He bought his own fridge and microwave and placed them in the guest room

He went to work and returned home with takeout that would serve him for dinner and breakfast

He loads them in the fridge

At night, he brought a meal out and microwaved it

The next morning, he brought the other meal out and microwaved it

The wife felt he would soon get tired of it but he didn't

The next week, he brought home a new water dispenser and some plates and cups

He set them up in the guest room

He now had a makeshift kitchen of his own

The wife ignored him

"Let him keep acting like a child," she said

What is so difficult in cooking, supporting me to do the dishes, and cleaning the house

We are both working, and this is supposed to be a partnership

She needed to service her car

Usually, he would do it, but since he started throwing his tantrum, he had locked her out of his life

She called the mechanic and dealt with it herself

The gutters in front of their house were filthy.

He would usually clean them on Saturdays, but he left them

There were grasses around the house that he cut and tidied on Saturdays; he also left them undone

They had a bank account for household upkeep.

She noticed that he funded it with half of what he normally would send into it

They already had a child, and it felt like he only sent the upkeep for the child into the account

He went out early in the morning, returned home by 5 pm daily, and locks himself in the guest room

Whenever she was not at home, he would spend some time with their baby

Whenever she was home, he avoided her and the baby

A month went by, three months went by

He was as defiant as she was

What sort of a man keeps malice like this? she wondered

What sort of man is this immature?

Silent treatment, malice, keeping grudges, does he want me to come and beg him? She wondered aloud

What sort of ego requires this sort of worship?

She reported the matter to their church pastor

The pastor called the husband and invited him to church for a discussion

The husband went to see the pastor

The pastor asked the husband what the issue was

The husband said, "Nothing. He had been enjoying some peace and quiet and would like it to continue for as long as possible."

The pastor asked the wife what had been going on

The wife started from the beginning and spoke on and on and on

"I wake up early, and I have to prepare myself and our child for the day

He will not help me do anything

We both work and keep the home together

Everything should be split right through the middle

We are both providers; we should both wash plates, clean the house, and share everything in common.

The pastor listened and asked the husband to do better.

They got home

Husband moved back into the bedroom

Early the next morning, the husband swept the whole house

Washed the plates and bathed the baby

He also prepared breakfast and packed their lunches

He dressed up and took the baby to the creche

She felt good.

Thank God the pastor spoke to him, and he heard

He repeated it the next day and the day after that

Without complaining

He would do all the house chores, care for the baby, and go to the office

He would return in the evening, prepare dinner, wash the dishes, and care for the baby

Saturday came, he cleaned the surroundings, tidied the gutters, cut the grass, and still tidied up the house, did the dishes, and washed his clothes and those of their child

He was over-efficient, cooks good meals too, and didn't complain or give off any foul air

One day turned into four months

Every time she wanted to sleep with him, he would say he was too tired

They rarely talked because he slept when the baby slept and woke up when the baby woke up every day

She felt like a third wheel in the marriage

He had eliminated all her complaints with determination.

She knew the other shoe would drop eventually and that may be the final nail in the coffin of her marriage

She started feeling uninvolved in her own marriage

She went back to the pastor

Sir, I don't understand what this man is doing

He does not allow me to do anything in the house, and for him or for our baby

When I complain, he will say, "You are a helpmeet, when I need help i will let you know, and I don't want to fight with him on this. Please, sir, help me".

The pastor asked her what time he wakes up.

She said 4:30 AM.

The pastor said, "Wake up at 4.00 AM tomorrow and do the housework. If you leave things like this, your marriage is dead already. We are just waiting for the day of the funeral."

She woke up at 4.00 AM the next morning and began to do the house chores

He woke up at 4:30 AM and looked at her sternly before saying, "I do not want your help. If you insist on doing anything in this house, I will leave this house for you and never return."

She dropped the plate she was washing and went on her knees.

"Please, I am sorry. Let me be your wife. Let me play my part. I know you are doing all this out of hurt, and I felt you would get tired of doing all this. You have kept at it.

Please, please, I am sorry. I won't complain again. I am tired of idleness and being uninvolved. I won't grumble again. I want this marriage to work. Please. Please."

He looked at her and went to the room to pick up their daughter.

While she cleaned, he bathed and dressed their daughter. They had breakfast together and smiled at each other as they left for work. Throughout the day, he texted her, and she replied. She picked up their baby from the creche and met him at home by 5 pm.

The storm is over!

Night came, and she waited for that make-up sex moment. She had so missed him.

It didn't happen.

She tapped him and asked him why he was not touching her

He said he needed some time to wrap his mind around having sex with her again

She softened up and started stroking him

"You are still angry with me. I can feel the resentment. I am sorry. I mean it. I won't take you for granted again or complain that I am just a helpmeet and not the one who was supposed to be doing so much. I am sorry."

Love was made.

He cried afterwards and reminded her of how hard he had been working to ensure that they had a house of their own before he turned thirty-five

He said the trouble she gave him for one year cost him a lot of money, as he had to let go of several opportunities that he would have taken if he didn't have to keep the home himself

She apologised to him again

The next morning, she woke up at 4.00 AM

He didn't move.

She did all the house chores with joy

He woke up, dressed up, and rushed off to the office

She dropped the baby at the creche

He sent his driver to go service her car, he paid off all the bill and sent her more than enough for the monthly upkeep

He was happy, and so was she

She learnt a vital lesson through that episode

When she did the chores as labour, she resented him

When he did the chores all by himself, he resented her

When she started doing the chore as an act of service, she enjoyed it

When she started seeing the benefits of his joy in his care for her, she understood it

PS: Once I do your role, what relevance are you then to me

Once you do my role, what need do I serve to you?

We do not share roles because we cannot both do each other's roles in a marriage

We share roles because it makes us relevant to each other and helps us to complement each other

If we both provide and I take care of masculine tasks while you take care of feminine tasks in the house, we are fine

It is better to be needed than to serve no need.

-GSW-