Why We Have Sexless Marriages II: (Wife's Edition)

1. Pressure from home/chores /children upkeep: which in turn leads to fatigue, so sometimes she just wants to sleep without being disturbed for sex after a long day of hard work

2. ⁠Lack of/ broken trust: infidelity. When the wife suspects the husband of cheating or catches the husband cheating, she gets hurt and may not be open to sexual intercourse again. Ironically, the man will assume that not having sex with him is an indication of a lack of forgiveness, but this is not so. The wife might have forgiven, but opening herself up to the man so that she is vulnerable enough to have sex with him may take some time. Trust takes time to build again, once it is broken

3. ⁠Invalidating emotions, feelings, and thoughts: Because women are more emotional in nature, once the guy keeps dismissing and shutting down their emotions, it will affect performance and connection in the other room. A wife will tell her husband how she feels about many things, ranging from the little things to the big things. It is her duty and, in her nature, to do this. Many men are impatient and sometimes deliberately turn a deaf ear to their wives. They refuse to take her counsel or consider her feelings. It is their way or the highway. Many women who find themselves in marriage with men who behave like this often feel unloved and detached from their husbands after a while. This detachment or lack of connection comes from a place of being disregarded or not being taken seriously, and it affects intimacy between such women and their husbands

4. ⁠Lack of kindness and care: When the husband is generally not available for the woman in the area of care and love. Sex does not start in the bedroom. Men know this, but some men deliberately refuse to put in the work of being present and caring for their wives to the point where the woman would be so turned on, she mounts the man without any form of reservation. It is important to the wife that she is not reduced to a sex object, which the husband uses to satisfy himself and then discards afterwards

5. ⁠Lack of Leadership sense or drive: Some men are not really men in actions ????. The wife has to push them over and over again. Some men lack enthusiasm regarding sexual intercourse with their wives. They refuse to put in the effort. In some cases, the wife will be the one to seek them out and also cajole such men to put in a bit of a performance. The wife does this out of desperation, especially if she was looking to have children, but as soon as she has delivered the number of children she wanted, she would no longer chase after the man.

6. One minute man: Takes what he wants and leaves. So, what’s the point? Some men do not bother about the sexual satisfaction of their wives. They leave her hanging while they conclude their business before the clock strikes the minute mark. They hurry to finish and leave no impact in their wake. It’s almost as if they didn’t want the wife to feel they had passed by. After a while, the wife begins to shop for alternatives in the form of sex toys in order to feel any form of sexual satisfaction. She also begins to see him as a cause of sexual friction and frustration for her, and this makes it difficult for her to willingly or freely desire to sleep with her husband

7. ⁠Some men don’t like to talk about solutions when there is little or no libido: So, the man ought to get feedback from his wife when they have sexual intercourse. For some men, the feedback is instant as they hit the mark and their wives turn into jelly in their arms, but for some other men, feedback could be in the form of a discussion. The wife saying “This is what you are not doing right, and the husband listens to take the corrections so that they can both do better sexually. Some men feel this discussion is beneath them and they avoid or disdain it. The inability to take feedback means they would not do better sexually or would not learn from their past mistakes and repeat the error. This makes the woman sexually frustrated and unenthusiastic about sex

8. ⁠The lady may have someone turning her head outside. Mind is somewhere while body is somewhere else: Some women can brazenly have sex with multiple partners at the same time. Their conscience takes a beating, but they take it on the chin and move on as if it is just another Monday. Some other women cannot do this. If they are sleeping with someone, they would have to detach themselves completely from the person before they could sleep with another person. Sometimes, the husband has been AWOL in bed, and the wife has already turned her attention to someone else outside the marriage. This turning of the head might not be in the form of physical sexual intercourse; sometimes it is, but it might be in the form of emotional availability. When the husband comes knocking for sex, the wife might just clam up and refuse to oblige because to her it would be a betrayal of her own body if she opens up to him after being so chummy with another.

9) Insecurity and jealousy: Some women get so carried away by imaginary issues that they get turned off on the marriage bed, even when their husbands have done nothing to deserve such treatment.

10)When the Man is not Manly enough: Sex is in a form, a gesture of surrender to a man who earned it. Wives would reward their husbands with good sex whenever they came through for them. Some men never come through. They are not providers, they are not encouragers, they are not supporters, they are nothing in the lives of their wives except a stranger with whom the woman shares her bed. This is not a turn on for most women sexually, and eventually, the enthusiasm dries up.

11) Some men assume that because they had previous sexual experience with another woman, they have figured out every woman. This is a lie. Every woman comes with her own peculiar nature, and a husband must endeavor to conform to his own wife and match her needs as much as she is expected to match his sexually. This means previous experiences do not count.

12) Health issues and emotional health issues can make a wife lose interest in sexual intercourse with her husband

13) Some men are wild dogs. They are violent, unreasonable, and abusive. No woman can live with them and live to tell the story. They take advantage of anyone who shows them any form of love or empathy. Being vulnerable with them is a death sentence. They do not know how to reciprocate love. They are better off alone (Some women are like this, too)

PS: (Points submitted by Sister Omotayo and Other Blissful Home Fellowship Ministers) The list is not exhaustive, and many more reasons are not listed. It is believed that men who read this will adjust and become better husbands to their wives who exhibit one or more of the compiled behavioural triggers listed above

-GSW-